AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Holy shit. I’m writing that romance novel right now. What did he say?”
“Stuff about class,” Noah muttered because he’d done this once before with a guy who…well, it ended about as badly as a date could end, and that was the last time Noah had ever put himself out there. The last thing he needed was Chris trying to convince him this was meant to happen.
Adriano was tall, muscular, gorgeous. He literally had a fan club of students that took ASL just because he was Deaf. And they were all California tens. He was a Florida six on his best day. There was no way in hell Adriano meant it as anything other than the fact that Noah was a nerd who studied.
“Well, that’s boring,” Chris said, then launched into his latest story about the girl he was crushing on in his chemistry lab, and Noah did everything in his power not to think about what the night was supposed to be like.
Or about the little flicker of something that felt too much like hope dancing around in his chest.
* * *
“Noah?”Adam’s voice sounded far-off like he was speaking from another room instead of directly next to him. “Noah.”
He turned slowly, his body moving as if he were under water. “Mm?” His gaze fixed on Adam’s face, and he slowly felt the threads of shock start to snap.
“What do we do? What…what am I going to do?”
Reality crashed in. Noah wasn’t floating in some void between fantasy and reality. He was sitting in a hospital room beside a bed where his grandmother’s machines were beeping out a symphony, keeping her alive because nothing else would. Her doctors had been honest and brutal about it.
She wasn’t going to wake up.
Noah opened his mouth to say something, but his throat felt like sandpaper. He swallowed a few times, then squared his shoulders and reminded himself that this was it. He was twenty, he was an adult, and there was no one left to save them from the harsh truth: they were alone now.
“What do you mean?” Noah asked.
Adam blinked, then gave a harsh laugh. “She’s…” His voice cracked, and he stopped for a long minute. “She’s going to die, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” Noah said. He wanted to curl his arms around his brother and protect him from the pain this was going to cause. Adam had been too young to remember the weight of losing their parents, but it was seared on Noah’s ribs like a brand.
Adam’s chin trembled. “What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?”
It was the sound of Adam’s panic that finally caused Noah’s dissociation to crack entirely. He turned, putting his hands on Adam’s shoulders and squeezing tightly. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“But you—”
“I’m coming home,” Noah said. He ignored the stabbing pain those words caused, and he met his brother’s gaze. Adam might be nearly as tall as him now and filling out. He was losing the baby-round softness in his cheeks, and he had the rough hands of a boy who would be a man soon. But in that moment, he seemed so damn young. He was the little toddler climbing into Noah’s bed because he was scared and their mom was never home to take away his fear. “I’m going to take care of whatever happens next.”
Adam licked his lips. “Are you…I mean. You’re not done with school yet.”
Noah shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“But you—”
“It doesn’t matter, Adam,” Noah said, not meaning to sound harsh, but he didn’t want to think about how much that hurt. Not yet. He’d mourn later after Bubbe’s last breath.
If he thought about how, just hours before, he was standing outside a building trying to find the courage to walk up to a gorgeous man who wanted him around—how he was finally on the cusp of being his own person and shaking off the trauma of his past—he’d collapse.
“Why don’t you lie down,” Noah said. He reached over and grabbed one of the spare pillows from the little shelf behind Bubbe’s hospital bed and laid it on his lap. “You’ve been up for almost twenty-four hours.”
Adam looked like he wanted to argue, but after a beat, he just twisted his body and tucked his legs up, then laid his head on Noah’s thighs. He let out the smallest sigh when Noah started to stroke his curls. “Promise you won’t leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Noah murmured. He laid his head back, and the moment his eyes closed, he found himself standing in the middle of an empty field. His parents were gone. Bubbe was gone. Adam had been taken from him.
He sat up with the smallest gasp and realized he’d dozed off. His vision was blurry, but he stared down at Adam’s sleeping form resting on him, and he knew then he couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t.
I know bargains rarely work out for people, Noah prayed, closing his eyes and bowing his head forward.I know it usually ends in disaster, but I have to try. No, I have to beg. I will do anything so long as you keep him safe. You will have all of me without compromise so long as this never happens to him. Please. Please. Please.
His prayer ended, and he opened his eyes staring at the floor by his feet. For a split second, Adriano Moretti’s face appeared—his sunny smile, and broad shoulders, and perfect hands. It was a sign he decided. It was a moment to say goodbye. That had been a life of fantasy. Of pretend.
