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Noah shrugged. ‘You didn’t. It was me.’ Adriano lifted a brow, and Noah pulled a face. ‘I don’t want to be like this. I want to be normal. I’m not…I didn’t stay a virgin on purpose. I was just too anxious, and like I said before, I’m not an easy person to be around.’
Adriano wanted to go back into Noah’s past and put a fist into the face of every man who had ever made him feel inadequate. Adriano knew too well what it was like, had seen the mocking way kids had moved their mouths in mimicry of his Deaf accent, the way they fluttered their hands into nonsense shapes to make fun of his signs.
But he didn’t believe his choices made him stronger than Noah. They were just different people. It was obvious Noah had a quiet, unassuming strength about him, and Adriano was falling for that. Hard.
‘Tell me how I can help you,’ Adriano said.
Noah flushed deeper. ‘With my…’ He gestured to his crotch, and Adriano chuckled.
‘I meant your life. The bakery, what’s going to happen after. Though, if you want help with that too…’ He crept his hand up Noah’s thigh until Noah pushed it off with a laugh.
‘There’s nothing to be done about my shop. When Adam moved out and started to work with his girlfriend, I knew it was the beginning of the end. We have a couple contracts with some of the restaurants here, but we’re still taking a loss every month. I haven’t told Adam. I don’t want him to think everything he worked toward was for nothing.’
Adriano bit his lip. ‘He’s going to be angry.’
‘Yes.’ Noah’s fist nodded and his face showed nothing but resignation. ‘Maybe. He’s got Talia now, and their future. But there’s nothing I can do to change things. All I want is to know I can get out from under this loan and close the shop without having to sell everything I own and live in my car.’
Adriano would have turned over every cent in his savings right then—or at least most of it. But he knew men like Noah. ‘You could make porn.’
Noah’s eyes widened, and the blush spread to his ears and throat. ‘You can’t be serious. I can’t even kiss you without coming!’
“Bah!” Adriano waved him off. He’d meant it as a joke, just something to lighten the mood, but it occurred to him that’s how he’d gotten started. A random frat boy at a college party said gay porn made good money. At that point, Adriano was broke and more than happy to try getting off for a little cash. Adriano started out in amateur videos, but it wasn’t long before people took notice, and suddenly he’d become Sylent.
Adriano had been doing this a long time now, and he damn well knew people would pay to watch Noah get off, to come all over himself without being touched. For a brief, furious second, he pictured another man touching Noah, and he felt his entire body grow hot as fire with possession and jealousy. He didn’t want anyone touching Noah other than himself, and he didn’t care that his job made him a hypocrite.
‘Wait,’ he signed, and Noah stared at him. ‘Make a video with me.’
Noah blinked. ‘With you?’
‘There are amateur sites all over the internet. We could film here. People would pay a ton of cash to watch you come just from being kissed.’
Noah’s blush was so deep he almost looked tan. ‘I can’t.’
Adriano held up his hands in surrender. ‘Okay. That’s fine. It is. I’d never push you into doing something you find wrong.’
Noah’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head. ‘No. No. I don’t think porn is wrong. I…I’ve been your fan since’—he glanced away and looked vaguely embarrassed before looking back and giving Adriano a stern frown—‘for a long time. I don’t think what you do is wrong. I just don’t think anyone wants to watch someone like me. I mean, look at me.’
Adriano felt heat creep into his eyes. ‘I am. I want to watch you fall apart under my hands.’
Noah’s swallow was thick enough that Adriano saw it stick. ‘Why?’
Unable to stop himself, Adriano traced just beneath Noah’s lower lip, watching the way his mouth opened to let breath escape. He felt it, hot and humid, against the pads of his fingers. ‘You’re beautiful.’ Noah lifted his hands to protest, but Adriano wouldn’t let him. ‘Youarebeautiful. And you deserve to be worshipped.’
He wasn’t sure if that was blasphemy to Noah. His family was staunchly Catholic, but Adriano had never put much stock in religion, and he didn’t understand a lot of Noah’s. But it was hard to care when he wanted him this much.
‘What would…what would the videos be like?’ Noah finally asked. There was a faint tremble in his fingers, but he held unexpected determination in his eyes.
Adriano didn’t need to think about what they’d be like. He knew. He’d been fantasizing since the night he left Noah, come in his pants, standing in his doorway. ‘I’d lay you down and strip you slowly. I’d kiss your neck and nowhere else until you let go.’
Noah shuddered. ‘Just that?’
Adriano shook his head. He ached to put his hands on Noah again, but he refrained. ‘I’d touch you. I’d drag fingertips up and down your thighs until you couldn’t hold it in. Maybe in another, I wouldn’t touch you at all. Maybe I’d just speak to you.’
Noah’s head fell back, and his lips were parted as he took several breaths. ‘I’m close.’
‘I know,’ Adriano said when Noah opened his eyes again. And he did. It had only happened twice, but he already recognized the signs in Noah’s body. ‘I can stop.’
Noah looked him directly in the eyes, then shook his head. ‘Don’t.’
