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The press painted us all in a bad light, like we were just some punks that had gone in with guns blazing like it was some game to steal and murder every other weekend. They didn’t know anything about us at all. They especially didn’t know anything about me. The morning of my arraignment, I meant sure to set my alarm so that I woke up early enough to get dressed and do my makeup in exactly the way I wanted to do it so that I could walk into that courtroom with my head held high.
Blurry eyed, I stared at my closet, trying to decide what to wear. I took a sip of my still steaming coffee, thinking through my options as it burned down my throat. I could wear something professional that gave off strong girl boss vibes, but I quickly pushed that aside. That wasn’t me. Mr. Abernathy had suggested that I wear something cute and girly, but I’d known I wouldn’t do that either as soon as the words had fell from his mouth. That wasn’t even remotely me either.
Instead, I finally settled on a short Catholic schoolgirl-inspired skirt, one of my favorites in blue and purple. Underneath it, I wore my favorite fishnets and decided on a form-fitting black shirt that showed off my curves up top. I pulled on my favorite pair of black combat boots, completing the outfit perfectly.
I looked in the mirror, quite pleased with myself. If I was going to be fated to wearing that ugly orange jumpsuit for years to come, I was going to go out with a bang and wear my favorite outfit every second that I could before they took that away too. I rubbed primer onto my face using just my fingers. I did my makeup like I always did, classy and edgy with a pop of color around my eyes.
When I was done, I finished the rest of my coffee at the kitchen table, slowly chomping through a tasty blueberry bagel with strawberry-flavored cream cheese. I poured myself a glass of orange juice and drank it all down in one large swallow. Eventually, someone honked a horn outside and I knew it was time to go. I walked outside and climbed into the back of the car waiting for me. Thankfully, there was no one in the backseat and I enjoyed the ride in peace.
When I walked into the courthouse, I had a surge of pleasure pass through me at Mr. Abernathy’s sigh at seeing me dressed like I was. I watched the scathing annoyance pass over his face before it disappeared, masked with acceptance that he was stuck representing a hopeless girl like me.
When the time came, the two of us walked into the courtroom together. I sat beside him during the entire hearing. I didn’t understand much of what they were saying. Even though it was obviously English, much of it was discussed in this sort of legalese that didn’t make any sense to me. I caught snippets of ‘habeas corpus’ and ‘due process’ and something about an accessory to aggravated assault, but I just watched my lawyer’s face for hints as to what was happening. The left side of his mouth edged up in a barely discernable smirk every time something went his way. When it didn’t, his jawline tensed noticeably. Thankfully for me, he was smiling for most of the time.
I would never admit it, but it was kind of nice to have him arguing on my behalf. I would have been lost without him. On the surface, he appeared to be a good lawyer and if I knew my father, he’d chosen one of the best to represent me. I didn’t recognize anyone in the audience. I half expected to see the blue-eyed stranger sitting around somewhere, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he’d gone home back to Boston or wherever he was from.
I glanced at the jury sitting on the right side of the room. There was a mix of people from what appeared to be all different backgrounds. Some were more well off than others, just based on the quality of their clothes alone. A woman with wiry glasses was staring at me and I wasn’t certain what she was looking for. When I caught her gaze with mine, hers softened and I quickly looked down at my hands in my lap.
I didn’t want her pity.
The news had already spread that I was an orphan. Mr. Abernathy hadn’t told me he’d planned on revealing that information and I would have stopped him if I could have. I didn’t want anyone looking at me like that. I sighed and stared down at the table. Some criminal before me had carved their initials into the wooden surface. It was partially buffed out and I ran my fingertip over the rough surface.
T. M.
I wondered who it was. Maybe it was some famous murderer or serial killer or something. For some reason, people had a weird fascination with death. All the insider criminal shows were always popular on Netflix for whatever reason. Honestly, I thought it was kind of weird. I’d never really understood the appeal.
To each their own, I guess.
I pressed my hands back into my lap. Now that I was here in the courtroom waiting for my judgment, I felt nervous. It had been easy to be confident about it when I was on my own, but this felt like something else.
The judge was an older man, maybe somewhere in his mid to late sixties. In any other context, he might have appeared kind or warm, but his gaze bearing down on me from up above simply felt cold and unfeeling. He was the one that held my fate in his hands. There was no doubt in my mind that the jury was going to come back with a guilty verdict, so it was simply a matter of how much he wanted to punish me for my decisions that day. His brown eyes sought out mine for a moment and I dropped my own in respect, but my heart thumped nervously in my chest. He was the one that was going to determine how much of my life would be spent behind bars.
Would he want to make an example of me? Quickly, I glanced back up, smiling warmly when his eyes met mine once again in hopes that may help. He slid his gaze over to my lawyer and nodded once. There was something imperceptible that passed between them, but I wasn’t certain what it meant. I watched them a bit more closely after that.
Had my father set something up?
When the time came, the judge dismissed the jury to confer together so that they could come up with their verdict. They were away longer than I expected, for about twenty minutes, but it might as well have been an eternity. I didn’t think there was much to debate, so I nervously wrung my hands the whole time as the courtroom broke for a short recess. My lawyer offered me some food and I picked at it, far too nervous to really eat or drink anything. When the time finally came to be called back in, I held my head up and told myself that whatever happened, I would survive.
I’d be the queen of prison if I had to be.
The rest of the courtroom rose and then sat as the judge returned, but not me. I stood while a volunteer from the jury rattled off my full list of charges. The biggest one, accessory to aggravated assault, was not guilty. The second big one was aiding and abetting armed robbery. That came back not guilty too.
The rest did, however. Guilty of felony evasion, third degree burglary, motor vehicle theft, and a list of several other minor charges were read off a sheet of paper, but I was no longer really listening.
This wasreal.
I was going to prison, likeactuallygoing. I could no longer pretend that this was all a dream.
I would have a record for the first time in my life. I wouldn’t get a slap on the wrist and sent to juvie. That wasn’t even an option. Since I was nineteen now, I’d been tried as an adult, which meant real prison with real criminals with very real consequences.
I would be a felon.
I dropped my head and stared down at those carved initials. I didn’t look back up until the kind-eyed judge cleared his throat. My heart stopped beating as I jerked my head up. Trying to remain brave even in the face of all of this, I lifted my chin and pulled my shoulders back. I stared at him, silently pleading for him to have mercy on me even though he had no knowledge of me outside this courtroom.
“Bearing in mind all the facts of the case of both the prosecutor and the defense, I hereby sentence Caitlin McCormick to one year in federal prison, which will be followed by one year of probation with an additional one hundred hours of community service. Case dismissed.”
He pounded the gavel against the wooden block, sealing my doom with a loud bang.
Everything moved really quickly after that.
