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I don’t know when it had happened. Maybe it was that night in my study or when she’d sassed her way back over my knee on the plane, or maybe it was the way she smiled when I made her breakfast or when she curled up against me, surrounding me in her warm light.
Maybe it was all of those things. I missed her.
I groaned. I’d never felt like this before. I could rush headlong into a gunfight, pull the trigger against an enemy without hesitation, and throw a punch as well as anyone. I’d been knocked out, tasered, shot at, and stabbed before, but this was more painful than all those things combined. I used to be badass. If anyone saw me like this right now, they’d call me a lame, whiny bastard and I would never be able to live it down.
My phone dinged and I pulled it out. Apparently, Caitlin had charged something to some store in France from her hotel room a few minutes ago.
I’d been getting alerts about her spending for days now. She was apparently having a grand old time all by herself. I knew she was safe, at least. Tommy was keeping an eye on her for me. He’d send me updates from time to time. Sometimes, Liam would step in and watch over her too. She was still staying at the hotel, but she was coming and going whenever she pleased at all hours of the day or night.
To her credit, she hadn’t gotten in any legal trouble. She wasn’t stealing or shoplifting, but she really didn’t need to because she had my credit card that allowed her to buy whatever she wanted. I wasn’t really worried about the money. I could afford it, but it made my palm twitch a little all the same. I sat back with a pathetically sorrowful sigh.
She didn’t need me after all.
Honestly, it hurt. I’d let myself be sad about it this afternoon, but by the time five o’clock came around, I’d found myself at Murphy’s. I looked at my watch. I hiccupped and narrowed my eyes, trying to focus for long enough to read the dials.
That… was…fivehours ago.
I turned and looked out at the bar. It wasn’t packed yet, but there were enough people here to at least fill the tables. I sipped at my whiskey and when the bartender looked in my direction, I lifted the glass and he nodded, knowing to get me a refill stat. He knew better than to cut me off when my family owned the place.
Hopefully by the time I went to bed tonight, I’d still be drunk enough so I didn’t have to think about how much I missed my Caitlin.
Someone cleared their throat, and I started, finally remembering to glance up. Kieran smirked down at me with amusement, looking over my table of empty glasses with deliberate slowness before turning back to me.
“Collecting trophies?”
“Something like that,” I slurred.
“You’ve never looked and sounded better in your life. Is it a new cologne? Eau du le liquor?” he chuckled.
“Your beer goggles are showing,” I replied, my annoyed sarcasm thick.
He slid into the booth across from me. No longer alone, I tried to pull myself together enough so that I wouldn’t hear about this night for the rest of my life.
“Why don’t we have a pint of Guinness together?” he asked.
I nodded. Guinness did sound like it would go down nicer at this point than whiskey.
“Now you’re talking,” I exclaimed, proud of myself when my words didn’t completely slur together this time.
“I’ll go get those for you,” Leah piped up.
I hadn’t even noticed she was beside him until now. She strode off to the bar.
“Having a good night then?” Kieran asked.
“I wouldn’t put it that way,” I muttered.
I downed the rest of my glass, enjoying the way the whiskey burned all the way down my throat. For the briefest moment, it hurt more than my sorrow. I should get another one. Leah returned and sat beside Kieran. She had two beers for us and a red drink for herself. Kieran raised his eyebrow in surprise, his expression suddenly very stern.
“It’s a Shirley Temple,” she blushed, catching his stern gaze.
“That’s a good girl,” he praised, and she smiled, yet her cheeks turned several shades pinker. Their exchange was subtle, but it almost felt like I was seeing something that I shouldn’t.
“What’s going on, Cormac?” Kieran pressed. He sipped his Guinness, his perceptive gaze studying me.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I lied.
“Bullshit,” he scoffed. I glared back at him with annoyance. He didn’t back down.
