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I hated that Shane kind of had a point.
The unification of the Murphys and the Kavanaghs would certainly make that easier. Combining our total net worth and strength together would make us almost unstoppable, giving us near complete control of the city. We would easily be the two most powerful crime families in Boston, if not the East Coast.
I didn’t want to give up on finding love for the sake of power, and my brothers wouldn’t want that for me either, not when there could potentially be other solutions to the bratva problem if we put our heads together in an emergency family meeting.
What it really came down to was that I needed to figure out whether I wanted this or not, and what it would mean for me if I did.
I reached for one of the roses and slid my thumb over the silky surface of one of the petals. What would it be like to be married to Shane? Would he try to control me? Would he be like most men and need to be the decision-maker or head of household or whatever?
I already knew that was something I couldn’t live with. My knowledge and opinions weighed just as heavily as any man’s because I had a lifetime of experience in making a life for myself. I had contributed as much as my brothers had to our family’s position in the city, and they knew it. If Shane couldn’t recognize my worth, the two of us would never work.
Did Iwantit to work?
Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I was comfortable in my life. I didn’t need a man by my side to be happy. I went through each day with my head held high, proud of myself for what I had achieved and how much potential there was for the future. With each day, my family grew in prestige and power, so much so that our children’s children wouldn’t want for anything.
All things considered, that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to share my life with someone, to share those sweet day to day moments of victory, of failure, and everywhere in between. Until now, I hadn’t met anyone that I’d even considered settling down with.
I swirled my drink again, deep in thought.
It seemed so early to be thinking about such things, but in a way, it almost seemed natural. The arrangement our fathers made when we were children, the combining of two powerful Irish mafia families, and the explosive chemistry between us should make this decision easy.
Just thinking about last night made my clit throb in earnest.
With a deep sigh, I settled into the chair and watched the night crowd. Angus offered me another whiskey, but I shook my head. For a while, I just sat and ruminated over my future, hopeful that Shane would appear eventually. When he didn’t, I eventually nodded my goodbye to Angus and carried my things out to my waiting car.
I gave the flowers fresh water and put them right in front of my bedroom window so they would be the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning. I took a long, steamy bath that night to relax and try to figure things out, but it didn’t provide me with any peace. Instead, my sleep that night was restless. My body simmered with need, but I refused to give in and touch myself while thinking about him.
I made that vow to myself that night, but little did I know how hard it was going to be to keep for the rest of that week.
Shane didn’t come to the bar the next night either, but in his absence, he sent a bouquet of pink and white roses, along with a note.
When you say your vows at our wedding, the only thing you’re going to be wearing is your dress.
His cocky arrogance made my pussy clench hard, and I hated it. Sort of…
Even though no one was reading his note along with me, I could feel my cheeks reddening at his blatant insinuation. Just the thought of wearing nothing beneath my dress felt far too shameful, but deep down there was a sliver of curiosity about what it might be like to be bare for him, especially when he’d be the only one that would know about it.
I’d imagined my wedding day quite a bit growing up. Honestly, it was something I think all girls, or at least most of them, thought about because it was what was always expected of us. Growing up to be a good girl who became a good wife, and then eventually a good mother. It had been the female life path for centuries.
I’d always seen myself as a career-minded woman. I was driven to make a name for myself, and that was exactly what I’d done. A wedding had always just seemed like some distant dream, and as the years ticked by, it had seemed like less and less of a possibility.
Could I really have it all?
I fingered the note, staring down at the smooth calligraphy that seemed far too neat for a man’s hand. There was the slightest hint of his cologne on the paper, which put my questions to bed, or at least partially so. I sat back, fantasizing about the feel of his rough fingertips on my skin, the possessive way he’d manhandled and overpowered me, and how satisfied I’d been at the end of the night.
No man had ever left an impression on me like that. Notever.
I didn’t stay at the pub late that night. I ate a meal and sipped at a glass of water, but eventually I headed home for another night of self-care and relaxation. My personal masseuse arrived within the hour, and I enjoyed a self-indulgent deep tissue massage in order to work out all the knots and the tension in my body from the stressful week. By the time I went to bed, I was at least slightly calmer, but this annoying twinge of need at the center of my core still pulsed anyway.
I ignored it that night, too.
Shane didn’t come to the bar the next several nights, but he sent more flowers and gifts for me, along with the now expected cocky notes.
You’re going to be the one to choose your dress, but I’m going to be the one to tear it off you on our wedding night.
I can’t wait to have you bare and screaming beneath me as my wife.
I’m going to redden your bottom on our wedding night, my beautiful bride. I haven’t yet decided if I’m just going to use my hand, or give you a taste of my belt, but I’m certain you’re going to scream my name until your throat goes hoarse after I’m done.
