AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She takes a sip from her tea and then pats my arm with her tiny hand. “It’s okay, baby. I understand. Your father was a complicated man. The two of you never got along.”
“Because I’m not Erik. He was always the favorite twin. Everyone liked him more.”
“That’s not true.” She sighs. “You’re my firstborn. I love you as much as I love your brother.”
“Dad always blamed me. He never gave a shit about me.”
She shakes her head. “In his own way, he cared. Your father had a funny way of showing it, but he did. He didn’t blame you for Erik’s death, Ethan. I know you’ve always felt guilty about what happened to your brother, but there’s nothing you could have done to save him.”
“I crashed the car,” I challenge.
“Your brother had a brain aneurism. It was like a ticking time bomb inside his head. No matter what, it would’ve killed him. We never had any cause to send him for X-rays. He never displayed any unusual behavior or any signs he had anything wrong with him. Whether you were driving the car or not, he was already dead before you crashed. It happened so fast. There was nothing you or anyone could have done for your brother.”
“But… what if I could’ve gotten him to the hospital in time?”
“Ethan.” She taps her fingers on my hand. “Nothing can change the past. I know you feel like you could have done something, but the doctors have assured me that nothing would have saved Erik.”
“I know, Mom.” I squeeze her fingers between mine. “Sorry, it’s this house. Coming here is bringing back all of the old memories. Is Erik’s room still the same?”
She nods. “Do you want to see it?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
After we finish our tea, I follow my mom upstairs and creep toward my brother’s bedroom. I haven’t looked inside since I was sixteen years old. Before we left for Lower Merion, I took one last look at his things, feeling guilty that we were leaving Erik behind.
My mom pushes open the door, and my heart clenches when I see Erik’s trophies on the shelf above his king-size bed. He was better than me at hockey. If he were still alive, we’d be competing against each other. A few tears fall from my eyes as I step into the room, staring at the memories I’d almost forgotten. Guilt washes over me when I consider how much of my past I’ve blocked out.
I’ve tried to share this part of my life with Will and Mia, but it hurts so much to think about my brother let alone talk about him.
“Erik would’ve been so proud of you.” My mom clamps her hand around my wrist and gives it a good squeeze. “You two were always so competitive.” She points at the first place trophy and smiles. “Remember when you and Erik tried out for the varsity team?” I nod, and she continues, “Neither of you ever wanted to be anything other than hockey players. It wasn’t your father’s first career choice. I know he never told you, but he was proud of you for making it on your own.”
I stagger over to the bed and sink to the mattress, running my hand over the smooth navy comforter. It was Erik’s favorite color. We both had the same one, though mine was cherry red to match my Mustang. I lean back and stare up at the ceiling, taking in the scent of the fabric. Even though I know it’s not possible to still smell his cologne, I swear it smells like my brother. Another tear rolls down my cheek.
I’m home.
I never thought I would have the nerve to come back here again.
When I left with my parents, I never wanted to come back. This place was always too sterile, too cold and creepy to be a home.
“Come back to Philly with me.” I sit up and wipe the tears from my cheeks. “You can’t live here by yourself, Mom. You need to be around family.”
She sits next to me, a hint of a smile on her lips. “I’m not ready to leave. This is where I belong.”
“Dad and Erik are dead. You need to be with me. I can take care of you.”
She glances down at the comforter and sighs. “I visit your father and brother every day.”
“Mom, please.” I cup her shoulder with my big hand, and she looks up at me. “You’re visiting a cemetery. If you were in Philly, I could take care of you.”
“You have Mia to take care of now.”
“That’s the other reason why I’m here,” I admit. “I love Mia. I want to marry her. Will gave me permission last night. I was hoping I could have Grandma’s ring.”
My grandmother’s engagement ring is an heirloom that dates back so far it might as well be tied to the Titanic. It’s worth a fortune, worn by every single woman in my family. After Will gave me his blessing to ask Mia to marry me, I knew without a doubt she had to wear this ring. My grandma wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
