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“We all gotta go somehow. I’d rather go down swinging than rotting away in a nursing home until all the dumb shit I’ve done to my body over the years finally catches up to me,” Robert says it matter of fact, and I know he means it.
“Amen,” Giles grumbles.
It’s the first time I’ve heard his voice, and it’s so scratchy he’s almost hard to understand. Makes me wonder if one of thedumb thingshe’s done to his body involves cigarettes.
I’ve seen those commercials. Maybegoing down swingingwouldn’t be so bad.
Giles takes his foot off the brake, and we roll ahead.
We make the turn to drive parallel with the back of the building and I see that, indeed the vehicle ahead of us is at the far end of the little drive-thru lane, half-in half-out, waiting for us. And I can’t help but wonder if they ordered anything, or if they just drove right through.
I hope they got something. Everyone deserves a treat.
Giles rolls down his window and I lean forward. “Can I have a large roasted chestnut mocha please?” I see Robert make a face. “And a bean pup?” His face contorts even more.
“The fuck is a bean pup?”
“It’s a tiny cup of whipped cream. For Toto.” I whisper the last part when the voice starts to talk through the speaker.
Sitting back, I smile a little to myself listening to Giles place the order in his gruff voice. I’m a little bummed the guys didn’t get something, but not surprised.
When we stop at the pick-up window, I can smell the glorious scents of a coffee shop and it fills me with comfort.
I don’t miss having every item of clothing I own smell like a café, but I do miss the scent of being surrounded by coffee and food. As crappy as some of my jobs have been, Twin’s was a good place to work. No one treated me poorly. I was never told to smile. And I never went hungry while I worked there.
I place a hand on my stomach, feeling the softness, and for the first time when thinking about my body, I smile.
This is the body of someone who didn’t starve.
This is the body that walked me out of hell to forge a life from nothing.
This is the body that left the patio door open so we could enjoy the stormy fall air while watching our favorite movie.
This is the body that led me to Nero.
And it’s the body that attracted him to me.
This body is loved.
Overcome with gratitude, I pull my phone out of my pocket and type a quick message to Nero.
“Here.” Robert’s taken my drink from Giles and is holding it out for me.
Hitting send, I shove my phone back in my pocket and take it. The paper collar on the cup keeps it just the right temperature, so it’s not burning my hands.
“And… Toto’s drink.” Robert says it like it’s the most absurd sentence he’s ever muttered.
Taking the tiny cup filled to the top with whipped cream, I grin. “He’s gonna love it.”
“You know we have some of that whipped cream shit at home, right?”
“Not the same.”
“Yeah, yeah. Free food.” He shakes his head, facing back forward.
The first SUV pulls out, and we follow, heading back home.
I bring the mocha up to my mouth, wanting so bad to try it. But I know it’ll be too hot, and I don’t want to burn the tip of my tongue and ruin the whole experience. So, I gently blow into the small opening on the lid and watch out the window as we leave the suburb behind us.
