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“Really, Sandra?” My use of her real name grabs her attention. “You think you’re going to hide a pregnancy?”
“Well, no. When the time comes, I’ll tell them I did artificial insemination with an anonymous donor.”
I breathe in deeply to control a stir of frustration. I don’t have the right to get frustrated. I am simply proposing an alternative route for her consideration.
The truth is, my parents will be all over her baby no matter who the father is. They love Sunny. They’ll be so thrilled to have a grandchild in Texas they’ll probably move back to the ranch, or at least move back for most of the year. Mom will insist on helping her out, especially given she’ll be a single mom.
History would repeat itself. Mom insisted on helping Sunny’s dad out, because he’d been a single dad. People said all kinds of things about Sunny’s dad. I’m not sure how much was true, but he drank a lot. Mom didn’t care. She said people didn’t know what they were talking about, and he was a good man who needed good neighbors.
“I’d be honored if you would consider me. We’re friends. I’d like to do this for you. That sits better with me than a stranger.”
Sunny chews on the corner of her lip. I can practically see her considering the future. And then her nose crinkles, and those eyes sparkle, and I brace myself because she’s going to tell me I’m a fool. And I probably am.
“Think about what you’re saying, Ian. One day, you’re going to find the love of your life, a woman who means everything to you, and are you going to want to tell her that there’s another child out there that’s not hers? Oh, and that child lives down the road from your parents and is in the mix of all the grandbabies?” She waves her hand in the air. “No. I appreciate your offer. I do. You’ve always been the sweetest. But no. That’s crazy.”
“Sandra.” My doctor voice comes through, probably because I need to mask the mental gymnastics leapfrogging strange emotions. “Please think about it. You can still tell people the father is anonymous. But I have no intention of getting married or having a baby. My hours are not conducive to family life. Parenthood is purposefully absent from my life plan. But, as you go through this process, I can be a supportive friend. I mean, no matter who you choose, I’ll be a supportive friend. But life can be full of the unexpected.” I think about what I’m really saying. Does it matter whose sperm impregnates her? No, it doesn’t. If something happens to Sunny, I’d still step in. If she needs me, I’ll be there for her.
I should do more research.
“Thank you, Ian. I do appreciate your offer.” Her voice, syrupy sweet, wraps around me as I breathe in her light floral fragrance. Her lips brush the side of my cheek, blindsiding me with the lightest of touches, igniting heat and hope, until she murmurs, “You’re a good friend.”
ChapterTen
Ian
Last Year in May
The sun peeks over the trees in Hermann Park. The humidity lies dormant this early, and the city has scarcely begun to stir. My feet pound the pavement. My lungs burn. Thoughts and emotions coalesce.
Relationships among my medical peers do not have a high success rate. At least, in medical school and residency I heard about more splits than unions. About half the surgeons I look up to are divorced.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve never invested time into a relationship. Chances are it will end. And time is the most valuable asset I possess.
I’ve been exploring spine fellowships and am in the process of applying to one in Minnesota and one in New York, as well as one here in Texas. Fellowships are competitive, and chances are great I will not have a choice in location.
I might want to offer Sunny my DNA, but realistically, I won’t be present to help her if she needs it.
Sunny wants to be a single mother. She claims she doesn’t need or want a man in her life. And there’s no reason to not believe her.
She’ll be an exceptional mother. I wouldn’t be an acceptable father. I could never live up to my dad. Sam Senior never missed a single event in his sons’ lives. He joined us at the dinner table for every single meal. Most mornings, he woke us up. When I think about what a father should be, of what a good father is, I think of my dad, and I’ll never have that kind of availability.
Sure, I can continue being Sunny’s friend. Call her on the phone or check in via text. We’ve been friends our entire lives.
Sunny is practically a Duke family member. I wasn’t bullshitting her when I said my parents would treat her kid like a grandchild. It won’t matter who the father is.
But is there a reason to not give it Duke DNA? I’m not the most fantastic candidate, but I can give more than those anonymous sperm donors.
She’d never want anyone to know. She’d be mortified if it got out that her anonymous donor was her ex-boyfriend’s younger brother. But wouldn’t she feel better knowing the dad? When her child grows up playing with Oliver’s kids and being treated like a family member, wouldn’t she feel better if she knew the child’s biological connection?
Sunny worries too much about what other people think. She’s always been like that. People used to talk about her dad, and it embarrassed her. She said nothing to me, but I remember hearing stories. I overheard Sam talking to Mom. He’d wanted to protect her, and I’d silently rooted for him to do so.
With this kind of situation, keeping it under wraps would be easy. I live in Houston. Out of sight, out of mind to that closed-minded small town. Whether it’s my baby or an anonymous donor, people are gonna talk. But her answer of an anonymous donor will settle the discussion. Although I’d imagine rumors will start. No matter what, who, or how. People in our neck of the woods gotta have something to talk about. I’m so damn glad to be out of that town.
Of course, Sunny isn’t one to focus on the negative. She’s not a glass half empty kind of girl. But, without her saying it, it’s clear her biggest concern, much bigger than what people will say, is that it won’t happen. She tried once; it didn’t take.
It could take a lot of tries. Even with IVF, there’s no guarantee. I wonder if she’s visited a fertility clinic. If she’s checked her estrogen levels or considered any other potential issues. When it comes to fertility, I’m not a subject matter expert.
One thing I can do, as a friend, is connect her with the best medical professionals, even if that means getting her out of state, and help her weed through research. Take a specific interest in helping her dream of motherhood become a reality.
