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“Emiliano, take care of his body,” I say as I turn on my heel and leave. It’s time to get the fuck out of here.
“It’s definitely someone in our ranks,” Dario snarls once we’re outside.
I nod. “And what he’s just said whittles it down to about five men.” The gold signet ring was given to our father and his closest friends.
Lino, Pietro, Stefano, Diego Snr, and Santino.
“Now we have to find out which of them is behind the attacks.” Only those closest to me will be given this information.
I move toward my car, Dario on my heels. He’ll wait for Emiliano and return to Chicago tonight.
“Don’t forget,” Dario says, changing the subject. “The gala’s next month. Both you and Teagan are to be in attendance.”
“We’ll be there,” I assure him. As much as I don’t want to go, I know that I can’t keep Teagan hidden away forever. No doubt Jade will want to see her and bring her into the fold with Adelina and Annemarie—her sister-in-law. She’s married to Jade’s oldest brother, Hayes.
“Keep your eyes peeled,fratello. This is the second time that someone has tried to kill you. Third time and they may just get lucky.”
There won’t be another chance. Someone is out to take me down, and I’ll be fucking dammed if they succeed.
SEVENTEEN
TEAGAN
Iwake to darkness and silence. I still, listening to see if I can hear anyone moving around outside. I don’t. Elio must be gone. I sit up and hiss out a harsh breath as pain radiates through my arm. Everything that happened today hits me.
Nell.
Oh God, Nell.
She didn’t deserve what happened to her. She was so happy. She was finally living the life she had always dreamed, and because of my selfishness, she’s dead. That coldness that lived inside of me for years creeps back in. That numbness I had whenever pain hit me takes over. This is why I haven’t let anyone in. I can’t deal with pain. I bury it deep and don’t let it affect me. I can’t. If I feel the weight of the loss, the guilt, and the heartache, I’ll crumble to the floor and break.
I can’t do that. I won’t allow anyone to see me at my most vulnerable, especially a man who views me only as a sex object. To Elio, I am his to fuck and that is it. That’s all I’m good for. It’s all I’ve ever been good for.
Sometimes I wish I was back in that basement before Jade and Kelvin found me. I wish they hadn’t discovered my dark corner and had left me be. I’d have died peacefully. I’d be with my mom, and no one would have been hurt.
I feel as though I’m drowning in the depths of the ocean. I have to keep wading through the harsh currents, pushing myself every day to keep going. If I don’t, a floating raft appears. It’s a way out, but it’s a final way out, and every minute that passes, that fight I have, lessens. Right now, I’m within touching distance of the raft. It would be so easy to touch it, to grab a hold of it.
I release a gasping breath as I push to my feet and climb off the bed. My entire body feels weak, and I know that with the numbness being back, it’s only going to feel worse as the days pass. Living in the clubhouse, I remember the numbness. How deep and excruciating it was. It will overwhelm me to the point where every single thing will drain out of me. Then time will stand still, and if you don’t have any fight left, there’s only one way to stop it.
I pad through the house, my breathing deep and hard. I need something, anything to help me. I come across a pair of headphones. Elio had Lorenzo purchase them for me, along with a new cellphone, and they set up an account for me to listen to music.
I decide a bath will be the best thing for me. It’ll calm me. Hopefully with the music, I can tune my thoughts out. I’m scared right now. I haven’t felt this dark in a long time, and I haven’t hit this deep so quickly. Everything is tumbling out of control. I’m not sure I can pull myself from it this time.
I run a bath, loving the steam that fills the air. I don’t know who Elio had to buy stuff for me, but whoever it was went all out. Shower gels, bubble baths, shampoos, conditioners… there’s loads. Way too much for just me, but I appreciate the gesture. I reach for the bubble baths and smell them. I settle on a lemon one that smells divine.
I stare at myself in the mirror. Blood coats my clothes and face. I look as though I’ve just stepped out of a horror movie. There’s a white bandage on my arm, and I wonder who patched me up. Did I have to go to hospital or was there a doctor brought to me just as there would have been in the clubhouse?
Climbing into the bath, I put in my headphones and start the music. I let the playlist go, not really listening to the lyrics but enjoying having something fill my head other than my dark thoughts. I reach for the bath pillow and settle back into it. It feels so good to have the water ripple over me. I have the conscious thought to keep my arm out of the water and not get the bandage wet.
I close my eyes and take some steadying breaths. The dark thoughts are overridden by the sound of the music.
* * *
A deep moanreleases from my lips. God, it feels so good. His fingers are heaven as they finger-fuck me. In and out, harder and harder. I’m loud with my moans. I’m in ecstasy. It feels so damn good, I can hardly breathe. I writhe in pleasure. I can feel my orgasm building. It’s not going to take much more for me to shatter over the edge.
The sound of water sloshing has me opening my eyes. My headphones have dislodged and I’m able to hear the sharp breath of a man. Elio’s hovering over me, his fingers inside of me as he thrusts them deep. “Let me hear you,la mia bella puttanella,” he growls.
I know what he’s calling me. I’m not stupid.Puttanellais whore.
