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“You can’t mean that,” he says as he stands. “Living is better than the alternative.”
I wrench my arm from his hold. “For you, yes, but for me? No. Every day is a struggle, and sometimes it’s not worth the fight.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” Elio snarls as he comes to stand beside me, his arm sliding around my waist, his grip possessive and tight.
“Speaking with a friend. What about you? Hmm? Looks to me as though you were having fun with the blonde.”
I close my eyes as both men stand off against each other. “Do we have to stay?” I ask. I’m done with today. I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of swimming. I can’t do it anymore. I just want it all to stop.
“We’re going,” Elio growls.
“Teagan—” Kelvin says, but I shake my head and turn away.
I’m so damn tired.
Elio keeps his hands on me and steers me toward the exit, his steps heavy as we walk. “What the fuck were you playing at?” he snarls at me. “Were you trying to make me jealous? Hmm? Is that why you let him touch you?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot that only you are allowed to manhandle me,” I reply snarkily. “Why do you even care? I mean, Kelvin was right. You were having fun. Am I not allowed?”
The cold air whips around me as we exit the building. Emiliano is waiting for us, his gaze assessing as he glances between the two of us. He opens the door for me and waits for us to come. He’s one of Elio’s most loyal and dutiful men.
I climb in, not bothering to wait for Elio. I just don’t have it in me to argue with him. My entire body feels like lead. I just can’t be bothered with it all. I feel as though all the good has left my body. When he walked out of the room with that woman, everything I had left in me evaporated. All my dreams, hope and motivation fled me like a sinking ship. All that’s left is pain, misery, and shame.
Elio climbs into the front seat and leaves Emiliano standing at the curb. I close my eyes and settle back against the seat. I don’t know what Elio has planned, and I don’t care either.
The car ride is silent. I can feel Elio’s anger simmering inside of him. He’s about to lash out, no doubt waiting until we’re home.
Twenty minutes later and he’s pulling into the driveway of the house we’re staying in while we’re in Chicago. I’m not sure if it’s a family home or if it’s somewhere that he’s rented, but it’s nice. I like it. It’s quaint and peaceful.
“Get the fuck in the house, Teagan,” he snaps once he turns off the engine.
I bristle at his tone. God, he’s such an ass. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. This evening started out with him being attentive and affectionate, and now look at where we are. He’s angry. Something he seems to be in a permanent state of.
He slams the front door shut as we enter the house. His fingers clench around my wrist, and he pulls me close to him. “You’re pushing me, Teagan. You’re so close to having that pretty throat of yours slit. Keep your shit up and you’ll pay the consequences.”
Threats. God, he’s back to this shit. My life is just one giant hamster wheel. It’s constant. I feel as though I can’t get off. I’m just going round and round. It’s an endless loop.
His cell rings, and I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s leaving. He always does whenever he gets a call. “Yeah?” he hisses as he answers. I watch as his body goes rock solid. His jaw clenches, and his fingers whiten with the grip he has on his cell. “When? I’m on my way.”
Hope blooms inside of me. He’s leaving. I can finally have peace. I know what I have to do. I can’t continue this way anymore. I just can’t. I have had enough. I don’t have the energy to fight the dark thoughts. I don’t have the ability to regain the strength I need to continue.
Elio ends the call. “We’re not finished,” he grunts.
“Goodbye, Elio,” I say softly.
His brows knit together, but he shakes his head, turns on his heel, and stalks out of the house.
For the first time in months, I feel at peace. I’ve made my decision, and I’m actually content. All the pain and heartache will soon be gone. I kick off my heels and pad into the kitchen. It takes me a few minutes to find what I’m searching for.
The handle feels cold, the weight of it heavy in my hand, but still, the peace remains. I’m content with my decision. I enter the bathroom and place the knife onto the counter. I look into the mirror. Staring back at me is a stranger. A pale, tired, miserable stranger. I don’t know the exact moment I lost myself again, but this time, it’s worse than ever before.
I need help, but there is none for me. No matter what happens, I’m stuck in this darkness, and there’s only one way out. I’m doomed to a life of sadness, pain, and depression if I carry on.
I walk back into the bedroom and take a seat on the bed. It’s time. I can’t pretend to be normal. I’m far fucking from it. I’m broken, so deeply shattered that there’s no fixing me.
I glance to my left and see a stationery set on the quaint dresser. I’m moving toward it, knowing that I need to leave Elio a reason as to why I’m doing this. To let him know that he’s finally got his revenge. That he’s beaten me down until there’s nothing left. He’s got what he wanted.
The words pour from me. Everything I’ve wanted to say just flows onto the page. I’m not sure how long I write. It feels like hours. I don’t mind. I still have time to do what I need to.
