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“Emile, there you are,” his father huffed as he walked in.
“Sorry, Father, I was just out getting coffee.”
“Getting coffee?” His mother looked confused. “Have the kitchens run out?”
“No, I just wanted some fresh air.” He could feel himself regressing to a sullen teenager the longer he stood in front of them. Couldn’t they just chat around the kitchen table like a regular family? Why did it always have to be so formal? He was their son, not just their subject.
“Very good, very good.” His father dismissed the conversation with a wave of his hand. “Now, Emile, we wanted to talk about your duties now that you are… er… returned.”
“Unbanished, you mean.” Emile couldn’t help the bitter tone that entered his voice.
“Now, now, there’s no need for that. I thought we had put all of that business to bed,” his mother chimed in, glancing nervously between Emile and his father, who was starting to go red in the face.
“Yes, sorry.” He wasn’t sorry, but anything for an easy life.
“We’d like you to accompany Henri on his visit to the university this Thursday. Ease you back into things.”
“You want me to…?” Emile was never sent on royal engagements. Too much of a liability. Was this a step forward?
“Yes, shake hands, ask questions, look at the new science building. We thought it would be a good show of unity after… everything.”
A show of unity. They were pandering to the press. Again. They wanted him to show that everything was in order behind closed doors at the palace. And then they would retire Emile from duty again until he was needed.
“Right. Yes. Okay.”
What else could he say?
“Emile, we’re really pleased with the way things have been going since you got back. We don’t know what happened on your little trip, but it seems to have done you the world of good,” his mother added, smiling at him.
He wanted to be angry at her. She seemed to really mean it in a genuine way. He just wished she knew what her words did to him, how they felt like tiny pinpricks against his skin. One on its own was bearable, but he was worn down by years of constant assault. His little trip had been life-changing and expansive and had rearranged all of the pieces of him that had been put together haphazardly here at the palace until he was a full, whole person. And now he was having to stuff himself back down to try and fit in the box that they wanted him to live in. The palace and the surrounding land was almost as big as the whole of Miller Springs, and yet it felt so much more constricting.
Henri was waiting outside when Emile was eventually excused.
“All good, brother?” Henri clapped him on the shoulder in a show of jocularity which made his teeth clatter. They had never been close. Emile couldn’t understand Henri’s blind obedience and Henri could not understand Emile’s desire to step outside of their assigned roles. Of course he didn’t, he’d landed the family jackpot as the heir.
“Yes. I’ll be joining you at the university on Thursday.”
“Excellent. It’ll be good to have you there. I’ve got a speech to give but then we’ll do the usual meet and greet. You know the score.”
Emile did know the score. He would stand off to the side and make the right faces at the speech his brother had penned with the help of the staff, making him sound wise and profound in front of the next generation. Then they would do the rounds, shaking hands, making small talk and taking selfies. And the whole time, Emile would pretend not to notice when everyone’s eyes constantly darted over his shoulder, always more interested in the heir than the spare. Not even the spare. The spare’s spare.
“Yeah, sounds good. I’ve just got some stuff to do but I’ll see you later, yeah?” Emile shrugged his brother off and strode back to his bedroom, his only sanctuary in the palace. His brother would never understand what it was like to not have a place. He may have returned and he may be towing the line for now, but nothing had truly changed.
What was he even doing it for? He wanted to reconcile with his family but what was the point of making amends so he could stay in a place where he no longer wanted to be?
That was the truth of it, he thought, as he threw himself down on his bed. This no longer felt like home. Kate had changed everything. Miller Springs was his home now and he’d been a fool not to fight for her, not to show her how he felt. Now that he was back, he felt suffocated by the trappings of his royal life. Here, he had an assigned role but it left him feeling surplus to requirements. With Kate, he had purpose and freedom. He was needed and he could fulfill those needs; not only that, but he wanted to. It wasn’t a chore, it was a privilege. He’d had less money and less time to himself in Miller Springs, but he’d felt freer than he ever had as a prince.
It wasn’t just about him, either. It was Kate. He missed her so much it felt like a hole in his heart. Waking up in this giant, empty room felt like a gut punch every morning. His every waking thought was about her. Her sweetness. Her sunshine. Her secret fire. He’d never been as happy as when he had her in his arms, and he knew she felt the same. She may have pushed him away, but he should have stayed and fought for her. He’d given in too easily.
With the realization that he was in love with Kate and should never have left Miller Springs ringing in his ears, Emile got to work straight away. There was only one way to fix this, and he was done letting life happen to him.
* * *
The next morning, Emile gathered his parents and his brothers in the throne room. It was the first time he hadn’t felt nervous walking down the corridor. Making the decision and taking charge of his own life felt like freedom, and even though he wasn’t sure what would be waiting for him when he returned to Miller Springs, he knew he couldn’t rest until he was sure. He could face his parents’ anger at his sudden departure if there was even a shred of hope that he could have Kate back in his life.
“What’s all this about?” his father blustered as Emile entered. Unsurprisingly, they were all there waiting for him, no doubt fearing the worst.
At the sight of his father’s stern expression, Emile felt the nerves stirring but he took a deep breath and remembered what he was doing this for.
