AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I go on to explain the musical voice. About the numbers on my bottom. About the therapy and hypnosis. We discuss my PTSD diagnosis and what Dave thinks about my mind awakening.
“When did you start to hear this voice?”
“Um, about three weeks ago. It woke me, and I had this strange urge to go for a run by the river.”
Looking deep in thought, Max’s gaze drifts outside to the hot tub where the others are laughing and passing around bottles of vodka. When he sets his sights on me again, his hand smoothes over my shoulder. “It sounds like you’ve been incredibly strong, Ava. Admirably so. You’ve carried this burden around for a long time, locking it up tight. But you don’t need to be so strong now. You’ve got me to lean on and to share this with—if you want, because I really want to help you unlock these memories.”
The tender way he says that makes me smile. “Thank you, but I don’t understand why you want to help me so much. It might not be all that fun.”
“Hey, I like you, remember? Why wouldn’t I want to help?” He pauses briefly to make sure I’m okay with what he just said before asking, “What about this Jonas guy? Who is he?”
“Someone I work with. Worked with,” I amend. “We’d been going out for a few months, though I’d known him for well over a year.”
“Do you still see him?”
“No, though we text occasionally. We only managed to stay together for a short while afterwards. It was too difficult being together, and my feelings for him changed.” I stop, wondering how to explain without feeling traitorous to Jonas. “He was patient and solicitous, but his constantAre you okaysandCan I touch you heresstarted to annoy me. Facing his disappointment, and my inability to have a physical relationship with him was just too difficult. There was a whole pile of guilt on both sides and, well, you get the picture.”
Max’s proximity is much more wanted than Jonas’s ever was. With Max, it feels so effortless. His touch causes stirrings in my belly, butterflies fluttering with excitement.
I don’t want to be afraid of men. Before, I was confident around them, holding my own. Overcoming the final barrier—sex and nakedness—is a hurdle I must face, and it seems to be easier to consider. All the same, I need to mention that it could be difficult, that I need to walk before I can run. And yet at times I’ve wondered if a baptism of fire would be easiest. “I don’t know how easy it will be for me to be with a man.”
Carefully, Max cups my face, his thumbs following the curve of my cheekbones. “Are you saying you want me to be gentle?”
“The opposite.”
“You want it rough?”
I suck in a battered breath. “Not to begin with. I need slow, then we can build up.”
He frowns. “Right, but I’m still unsure what you need from me. Should I be indifferent to your history?"
“Yes,” I agree, knowing this is what I meant. Having The Incident between us is insurmountable. It needs to be forgotten by all involved. “Pretend it never happened.”
Max frowns again, his eyes searching mine. “I’m not sure I can do that. I don’t want this to end before we’ve had a chance to begin. Ilikeyou, Ava, and I’m not going to jeopardise that. But I can promise not to ask for permission before I kiss you, or ask where I can touch you, if that helps.”
“Okay.”
His eyes drop to my mouth and that’s all the warning I get before his lips mould over mine. A wave of fizzy heat tingles across my lips and down my throat. It spreads all the way to my belly and along my thighs, right to my toes, igniting me in fire. Withdrawing, angling my face for another taste, his lips part before firmly pressing against mine, taking and taking. Kissing him back is easy and natural, my body wanting him close, my brain rushed with happy endorphins. Wrapping my hands around his torso, my hands settle on his shoulder blades as he presses me into the corner of the seat.
A deep groan reverberates in his throat. His prominent erection juts into my hip, making my breathing hitch and my heart accelerate. The persistent maleness of him pushing and pushing into my body, of the shifting muscles under my palms is impossible to ignore. I am fixated by his blatant arousal, and by his tongue stroking against mine, his kisses deeper, stronger. Relentless, he devours me, crowding my body into the seat with his tall, powerful frame. A hand holds me steady at my hip, the other is curved around my nape.
Suddenly, he tears his mouth away and falls on my throat, electricity crackling along my skin as he nuzzles and bites and kisses. His lack of control is so unbearably arousing I can’t breathe.
“Pears,” he husks, sucking on my skin. “Pears and lavender and spring. Christ, you smell so fucking good.”
The words echo into a distant place I can’t see and don’t recognise. They wash over me, through me, only to return in greater clarity, the accompanying voice no longer distorted, but sharpening. A disembodied face, one that I instinctively know is connected to the voice, looms just out of view.
Slowly, my limbs stiffen. My mouth doesn’t respond to Max’s blistering kiss when he slides his lips over mine again. My eyes are open but my sight is glazed. Everything around me falls to shadow, the blurry outline of a face drawing near and then not, repeating over and over as if to mock me.
Those words fade up, louder in my ear, husked and murmured and whispered.
Sweet girl. Sweet sweet girls get my treat.
You smell so good, sweet girl.
You wanna taste my treat?
“Ava!” Max’s hands are on my shoulders, gently shaking. In a flash, my mind clears, but the memory remains, clear and distinct. His concerned voice registers, as does the mild panic on his face. “You’re trembling all over.”
