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But Kail isn’t ready to let me go. He keeps me firmly in place and he reminds me with every stern swat of the brush that what I do does matter, and that there is hope. Weird message to take away from an ass whipping, I guess, but that’s what I get.
“Are we done?” he asks me the question, putting the control back in my hands. If I say yes, I can feel this will end. If I run my mouth…
My ass is burning. It feels swollen and aching and I know that I’m going to feel this for a long time. But there’s a devil inside me that’s not done. I’m not ready to be comforted. I’m still angry, and frustrated. I’m still in fight mode.
“Sure, if your arm is tired,” I fire back.
I hear him exhale in a sharp snort. He tosses the hairbrush down on the bed beside me, abandoning that implement in favor of another.
I tighten my body, anticipating worse pain.
He slides me onto the bed and pulls both hands behind my back, securing them with the fuzzy cord of my dressing gown. I make small grunting noises that I hope he thinks are of complaint. I couldn’t stand it if he knew that I wanted this.
Kail moves me as if I do not weigh anything at all, hefting my hips over pillows to keep my ass up, bared and vulnerable for this next round. I can feel my sex being exposed, and I know that he can see the thing I’ve been denying this whole time: my arousal.
He picks a belt from the closet, one of my leather belts designed to keep my pants up. I already know what that will feel like. A slapping sensation, more shallow than the brush or his hand, less damaging, but more painful. I know this because there were times in the past where I used that very same belt he’s now holding on myself.
I did it alone, in between missions, when guilt started to get on top of me, when I felt like there would never be anybody in the universe for me.
It’s different when he uses it. It’s harsher and snappier and much more sore. It’s also warmer and much more loving. Every time that belt connects with my ass, I contract and then expand, toes curling and then relaxing. Behind my back, my fingers flex. I hiss between my teeth, and I squirm, though the squirm is more like an undulation.
Kail whips the belt down a good dozen times before pausing to observe the effects of his work. I cannot see my ass, but I can imagine how it must look, bright red and marked with fresh belt swats, my thighs parted enough to allow the tip of the leather to intermittently lick between my legs.
“I’ve realized something,” he says. “You’re up to your old tricks. Trying to manipulate me rather than simply asking for what you want.”
“No,” I deny in a whine.
That is a mistake.
“We agreed not to deceive one another, Tarni. We promised to stop playing games.”
“Right,” I say. “But I’m a liar.”
“You haven’t lied to me in months. Not since we escaped my world. You have reverted with the return of the Colony, and I will not have it.”
“What are you going to do? Spank me?”
“No,” he says. “I am going to leave you there and let you think about what you have done. I know what you are afraid of, Tarni. It’s not pain. It has never been pain. I’m going to check on the baby. Don’t you dare think about moving.”
With that, he leaves me, shutting the door of the cabin firmly behind him. My indiscreet position is not exactly uncomfortable, nor is it inescapable. I’ve escaped a lot more difficult situations than a dressing gown wrist tie. I am bound quite securely, but it’s not really the ties that are keeping me where I am. It’s the sheer weight of Kail’s very real disappointment. This stopped being fun when he got genuinely upset.
I’ve failed him. And I guess I’ve failed myself, though I care a lot less about that.
I can hear Kail moving down the passage and opening the door to the baby’s room. The sounds are very muffled, just barely audible until they step out into the hall again.
“Hey, little buddy,” Kail says through the wall.
He’s getting Nemo up and feeding him. He’s a good father, even though he denies being one. I know how frightened he is of what he considers failing another family. I know he’d probably rather never have dealt with Nemo at all. Our life was complicated enough before adding a baby to the mix. But he’s stepping up, and I can hear how happy Nemo is to see him.
“Kawkaw!”
“Yep. Kawkaw,” Kail says. “How about some fish and potato?”
“Ish n tato,” Nemo repeats.
This is a much worse punishment than any physical one. I’m being left to not only think about what I’ve done and how much I’ve disappointed Kail, I’m also shut out of getting to see Kail and Nemo together.
Kail takes Nemo to the galley, and I am left entirely and completely alone. I wonder what would happen if the Colony caught up with us right now, but only briefly because that’s a distraction from what I am supposed to be thinking about.
