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When I walked backinto the Belladonna mansion, it felt a little smaller than it had before. I looked around the cozy space thinking about how I’d grown up here, how I’d slid in my socks across the hardwood floors in playful moments. But my childhood had been dominated by Man’s training, for preparing to be a deadly assassin.
A sudden wash of sadness swept over me. I’d never had a dog like Rocky; I hadn’t had the chance to paint or draw or discover any other interest besides shooting and martial arts. I genuinely loved those things, but…
There were noises in the kitchen, and I headed for my room, intent on not being dragged into a conversation.
But when I walked into my room, it felt a little claustrophobic, like a closet in its own way. The glow of the vending machine, the faint… odor of Ramen… which lingered even after my time away.
Royal was right. I needed plants.
I closed the door and paced around, then… to my shock…left the room and headed back toward the stairs. I wandered into the kitchen, not knowing what I really wanted.
“There you are!” Tabitha rushed over as if she wanted to hug me, then paused. She knew me better than that. “You’ve been gone a while!”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I was always awkward when I wasn’t playing a role.
“Yeah.” I held out my arms to Tabitha, whose surprise only flashed across her face for a second before she leaned in and hugged me. “I missed you guys.”
She hugged me tightly, and of course I was the one who finally broke away.
“What happened to you out there?” she said with a laugh.
“My target’s dead,” I said, my voice hollow. “And I found out who killed my parents.”
“Oh.” Tabitha’s eyes went round. “Do you want some pizza? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” I said, automatically. I always said no. Tabitha had the worst taste in pizza and I didn’t talk about my feelings.
“Okay,” Tabitha said, cheerful in the face of all the rejections she faced. She was the nicest of any of us.
“But I would like to order Chinese food,” I said, because I had a craving for lo mein and felt like I was going to die if I didn’t eat it, “and I’d like to watchKill Billfor the fiftieth time. If you want to hang out.”
We soon had ordered and were sprawled on the couch. Soon, Darcy came in and flopped on the couch with us. Darcy mixed pineapple in with her lo mein when it came, and when Ivory came in, she made the usual noises about how weird Darcy was.
“It actually sounds pretty good,” I admitted. “Savory plus sweet pineapple.”
Darcy angled her can of pineapple back and forth at me as if she were trying to tempt me.
Suddenly I had an intense craving for just that. I poured pineapple into my lo mein and took a bite. Then I closed my eyes and moaned—not quite like I moaned for Aiden, Dominic, and Xander, but it wasgood.
“We should stop teasing Darcy about her culinary choices.”
Ivory asked me, “Are you okay?”
Tabitha, Darcy, Ivory and I hung out on the couch and watched the movie. Until a wave of nausea overwhelmed me. Fuck. It was calledmorningsickness. Why was it plaguing me now?
I ran to the bathroom and leaned over the sink, thinking positive, motivating thoughts to my esophagus. If I’d known I might barf, I wouldn’t have picked noodles.
“That’s what comes from mixing foods into unholy combinations,” Ivory said from the doorway. Despite her being… herself… she sounded sympathetic.
It was comforting being back with the girls. My closest friends, as much as I’d pushed them away.
But I missed Aiden, Dominic, and Xander. I could just imagine how they’d fuss over me. I went to get a Mountain Dew—surely the nectar of the gods would settle my stomach—but then I hesitated, wondering how caffeine impacted a baby. Would the tadpole in my stomach end up turning wild backflips?
I needed to see a doctor. And I needed to tell Man I wasn’t taking any more missions.
But I was reluctant to tell anyone about the baby, which felt like a secret all my own. It would be real if I told them about it, and I would have to decide what to do.
Later that night, I knocked on Man’s door. He looked surprised when he saw me standing there. His white-touched beard was as impeccable as ever and he waved me in.
