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Chapter One
“Oh, come on, ladies. I’ll take that one. We can’t expect Lacey to do it because, you know, she’s still a—”
“I’ll do it,” Lacey Holland said quickly, patted her knees, and stood up with her hand outstretched.
There was no way she was going to let her cousin, Jenna Holland, also known as Ms. Perfect-In-Everything, finish what she was going to say.
Besides, just because Lacey was a virgin didn’t mean she couldn’t put a ball up her vajayjay all in the name of fun.
Okay, maybe she couldn’t without a long sip of her cocktail, but after that, she was good to go.
“No, really, Lacey, sweetie, you can sit this one out,” Jenna insisted, which had all the other ladies chorusing in. Also, how was it possible that her cousin looked like that? Fresh off an eighteen-hour flight, she still managed to look absolutely stunning in a pair of ripped jeans and a loose white linen shirt, with half the side tucked into her jeans and the other half hanging out.
Her hair was a glamorous forest of gold locks with waves of amber that cascaded down her back, and her makeup was so expertly applied that no one could tell she was wearing makeup at all. And dammit, she smelled like a field of jasmine. No one should ever look that good, this naturally, ever.
“Seriously, how hard can it be to stick a ball up my vagina?” Lacey asked, exasperation coating her tone. She was quickly becoming the center of a buzzkill, and she had worked too hard at the party to have it fall apart on her watch.
“Three balls,” Jenna volunteered, then hid behind Becca, who was married to Lacey’s oldest brother, Mike, when Lacey threw her a murderous look. “Don’t shoot the messenger.” Jenna giggled from behind Becca.
Still, vagina and balls were two words Lacey never thought she would ever utter at a party of ten women, but then again, they were at a bachelorette party, and currently, the bride-to-be, her future sister-in-law, Andrea, who was going to marry Lacey’s brother, Jett, was wearing a belt made of dildos while coconut shells were tied to her boobs.
“You really don’t—” A few other girls said sympathetically after Jenna then proceeded to whisper rather loudly, that Lacey hadn’t had her cherry popped yet.
Ugh. Just what she needed, Jenna outing her downstairs status quo to everyone present.
“And it’s a commendable thing too, Lacey, don’t get me wrong. To be twenty-three and still a virgin is… practically unheard of, right girls?” Jenna would just not let it go.
Again, the girls bobbed their heads up and down in agreement.
Lacey hated that she had now single-handedly killed the party vibe, and she’d be damned if she chickened out in front of Jenna so she could be proven right. Well, that wasn’t going to happen.
It was just her luck that her number was picked for something like this, of all things.
As maid of honor, and together with Becca, Simone, and Lindsey, her other three sisters-in-law, and the matrons of honor, they had come up with bachelorette party tricks meant to tickle and titillate the bride-to-be.
Andrea had requested raunchy with a capital “r,” and they had delivered. Not only were they ensconced in balloon-shaped penises everywhere in one of the great lounges in the Holland residence, but every food item came shaped in penis form too. From the show-stopper cake to the hors d'oeuvres. Even their cocktail glasses were phallus-shaped.
A series of games were set up for the bride-to-be. Games of Truth and Dare, which explained the dildo belt and coconut shell bra Andrea was forced to wear when she took the dare instead.
Other games included Andrea hitting a penis piñata, succeeding, and having it rain hundreds of tiny plastic baby dolls on her.
They had also blown up a picture of Jett, her future husband, in a pair of swimming trunks, then stuck the image to a huge piece of cardboard attached to a spinning wheel.
Blindfolded, Andrea was coated with thick red lipstick. She then had to spin the wheel and plant her lips on the board. If her lips landed on his swimming trunks inthatarea in particular, she would win a very extravagant prize, and she had endless attempts to win.
With no hands allowed, she also had to use only her mouth to get a hot dog into the neck of a small bottle, which had been hilarious to watch.
Lacey had worked extra hard to make the experience unforgettable for Andrea. But the minute Jenna walked in from saving the world, looking like a chic princess who knew she was freaking awesome but acted like she wasn’t, but then made sure everyone didn’t forget how awesome she was either, she effortlessly stole Lacey’s spotlight just like she always did.
Jenna this and Jenna that, and Jenn gag, gag, gag.
And now Jenna thought she was doing Lacey a favor by offering instead to be the one who stuck a metal ball up her lady bits.
Well, no thank you.
There were loads of other risqué games they had created, but Andrea also had a few ‘opt-outs’ if she wanted. All the names of the guests, which were just Lacey’s other three sisters-in-law, four close friends, Jenna, the cousin, and Lacey herself, had their names put into a bowl.
When Andrea opted to sit out a game, she picked a name from the jar, and that person had to perform the task on her behalf, no questions asked.
