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“It’s all about breaking the habit, Rhys. It’s about changing the self-destructive patterns and learning to like yourself. Once you do that, happiness is only a heartbeat away.”
Rhys jerked back before his lips could capture Shay’s, taking a step back and from the look on Shay’s face, she was as shocked by his sudden retreat as he was. His chest heaved and his heart was fucking galloping inside his chest. Shay’s cheeks went red as she pushed off the counter and turned away from him. He wanted to turn her around so she was looking at him as he tried to explain.
“I think you should go, Rhys.” There was no masking the hurt in Shay’s tone. His rejection had stung her...he could hear it in her tone but Rhys wanted to kiss her so badly his bodyached.He needed to make sure Shay knew it was nothing to do with her and it had everything to do with him and his issues.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” He started, willing Shay to turn and look at him. “I want to peel off your clothes so I can taste the ink on your skin. If you don’t believe anything else that I say, believe me when I tell you that if I had kissed you, I’d not stop with just a taste.”
Shay angled her body so that she was looking at him again, and before she could ask him to leave again, he told her about his promise. “When I was at the retreat, the therapist, she told me I use drink and sex to push down what I’m feeling. I’m self-destructive apparently and I made a pact with her that I would go ninety days without reverting back to form. I have to see it through, Shay. I need to prove to myself that I can. Please understand.”
Shay didn’t say anything in reply, so Rhys grabbed his hoody and headed for the door, halting only when Shay grabbed his arm. The charge between them was still there, but Shay inclined her head. “Stay. I’ve got the day off so you can hang out with me for a while if you want.”
Removing her hand, Shay walked over to the chair by the window and curled herself into it, picking up her sketchpad and averting her gaze from Rhys. The relief that washed over him was palpable, as he followed Shay over to the living room and sat down on the couch across from her, content to sit there and watch her work for a time, nothing but the silence between them, and for the first time in forever, the silence didn’t haunt him as much as it tended to do.
“Happiness is only a heartbeat away.”
Rhys snorted, and then Shay glanced up at him, and he offered her a smile, and she returned it, then went back to her drawing and Rhys could see himself spending mornings like this, with Shay, content in the silence.
ChapterFifteen
Rhys
Rhys watchedShay sketch for a half an hour before he broke the veil of silence that was comfortable between them, Shay lost in her own world, a look of concentration on her face that Rhys felt mirrored his own when he worked on music.
“Whatcha working on?” he asked, leaning forward, resting his chin on his fist as she lifted her gaze to his.
“Just some tattoo designs. Nothing much.”
“Can I see? It’s okay if you don’t want to show me but since I can’t draw a straight line, I’m fascinated at the shit some artists can draw.”
Rhys let her consider it, keeping his lips firmly shut in case opening his mouth would prevent her from showing him what she was working on. Slowly, shyly even, Shay lifted her sketch book and turned it around so he could see. The image on the paper hit Rhys like a punch to the gut.
Shay’s artwork featured an eye that Rhys knew had to be his, the amber much brighter than his own or at least he thought so. The eye had a sheen of wetness, like it was crying and the tears that fell from the eyes were not actual tears, but music notes. Behind the eye was bursts of colour, and sheet music and Rhys just knew that Shay had drawn this about him.
Never had he felt such a strong over emotion as he did looking at the drawing on Shay’s sketchpad. He felt as if Shay had seen past the persona and was looking at him, who he really was. He needed this piece of art in his life, whether it was on his skin or hanging in his place.
“If you hate it, I can throw it out.”
“No,” Rhys said, aware his voice sounded a little harsh, a little hard. “No. I want it...when it’s done. Will you tattoo it on me?”
Shay held the sketchpad to her chest, shaking her head. “You can have it but I’m not a tattoo artist, Rhys. I know Cathal or any of the other lads would love to ink that for you.”
It was Rhys’ turn to shake his head. “No. I want you to do it. Doesn’t have to be anytime soon but you drew it, you deserve to be the one to ink me. Besides, I’d much rather look at you than any of the lads.”
“Rhys, I can see from your face how much you want the artwork. I may never get to apprentice. You know that.” Shay offered him a sad smile. “But I won’t charge you for the design...I’m sure getting to tattoo a rockstar will be a novelty for the lads. Cathal might do it on the daily, but Isaac and Darren would kill to do it. talk with them and you’ll get a feel for who works for you.”
Shay Gleeson worked for him. But he would wait.
“And is that what you wanna do with your life, Shay? Do you wanna settle when one simple conversation could make it happen?”
Shay closed her sketchpad and set it on the arm of the couch beside her. “Do you wanna settle for just being a keyboard player? Don’t you want people to know that you can sing? Do you wanna settle when once simple conversation could make it happen?”
Her words were sharp, like razers, tossed back at him like she was firing shots and Rhys took it, because he had opened the door and Shay had firmly slammed it back in his face. Holding up his hands, Rhys grinned, as Shay continued to glare at him.
“To answer your question and maybe give ya some context, singing is the only thing I have that is mine, that I don’t have to share with anyone, but you it seems. I love playing the keys, it’s the one time that I feel like I’m not failing at something and not competing ... and that’s a stretch at the moment. Is it wrong to just want something that belongs to me and no one else?”
Rhys shut his eyes, felt the prick of tears and there was no way in hell he was gonna blubber in front of Shay. He was trying to be fucking honest and he really should keep his fucking mouth shut.
“I’m afraid.”
