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She leans her arms on the table. “Keep it a secret from them.”
I laugh. “That’s not possible. Not if we keep going.”
She blinks a few times and then says, “Fine. Then we tell them. Remember I had a conversation with them about letting me make my own decisions?”
“Yeah, but what do we tell them exactly?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. We’re together.”
“But we aren’t,” I say gently. She flinches and I feel like the biggest dick in the world.
She bites her lower lip and I feel like smashing this stupid water glass up against the wall I’m so angry with myself.
“Juno, we agreed to what this was. You promised that it was just sex. We both promised each other.”
She starts blinking rapidly. Fuck. She’s going to cry.
I reach out to grab her hand, but she pulls it back. “I know you told me this was just sex. I just thought things had changed. It felt real.”
Goddammit. It is real. Things had changed. Actually they didn’t need to change. I’ve always felt this way about her. It was never just sex for me, but I can’t tell her that.
“I don’t regret what we’ve done. The time we had together was magical, but it’s not what either of us want.”
She stares me straight in the eyes and says, “Don’t tell me what I want. People have been making decisions for me my entire life. You don’t get to do it too.”
That hits me hard, and she doesn’t even know the half of it. I want so badly to be with her – to fight for this relationship. She’s right, we could probably work through any family stuff, but I know a relationship isn’t what she needs right now. I have to let her go. She’s right that I’m doing what every other man in her life has done, but I can’t help myself. I know this hurts her right now, but I need to set her free. She’s in a good place with her family – she deserves to go live her life.
She stands up.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Going to Eli’s. You don’t want me here.”
I do want her here. I want her here more than anything in the world, but instead of telling her that, I say, “I meant it when I said this time together meant a lot to me.”
She shoots me an annoyed look. “Oh, fuck you, Bode. Don’t give me the we really meant a lot to each other but let me try to save your feelings speech bullshit. Just be honest. You had fun fucking me, and you’re not interested in more. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
Fuck. She might be able to handle it, but now I’m not sureI can.
As she’s leaving, she calls over her shoulder, “See you around, Bo. Thanks for all your help.”
