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She leans back on her elbows and says, “It’s kind of silly.”
“What?”
“I think I want to teach. I don’t think I want to work in a restaurant or anything like that. Honestly, how feasible would that be with my guards? But maybe something like the cooking school we did in Italy? I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I knew after we did that school in Italy that I’d found something I love. It just felt like I’d discovered my thing. Does that make sense?”
“Yes. That makes perfect sense. Can I visit you in Paris?”
Her face darkens. “Bode...”
I sit up. “What?”
She sits up and crosses her legs. “What are we doing here?”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “We’re enjoying each other’s company.”
Her face looks pinched. “I appreciate you taking me on this trip. I needed it. I really did, but...”
“But what?” I’m growing irritated.
“This is just pretend. All of it.”
My stomach sinks. It’s not. It’s not at all.
“You’re not wanting to settle down, and neither am I. Look, I’m heading to Europe for a year.”
I do want to settle down, and I’d be more than happy to wait a year for her.
She scans my face and then says, “You made it clear last year what this was, and I get it. I’m not asking anything else from you. We can just have fun and then resume our lives.”
That’s not what I want at all and frankly, it’s not what I really wanted last year either even though that’s what I told her.
“Can we be friends?” I ask. Why am I torturing myself like this?
She gives me a sad look and says, “I’m not sure.”
There’re so many things I’d like to say right now, but they are all stuck in my throat. I want to confess everything to her. I’m not pretending right now. This isn’t just a little sexy getaway for me. I’m not seeing other women. I want to settle down. I want to do it with her, but I can’t say those things. She’s right. She’s leaving. She’s starting this next great chapter of her life, and I can’t hold her back from that. I want her to have this experience fully, and I’m not a part of that. Anything I say right now will just take away from this week.
She stands up and looks down at me. “We should probably head back. I have an early flight in the morning.”
We get everything packed up and head back to the hotel. We hardly speak the entire trip. Once we’re back at our suite, I take her to bed again. It’s nothing like last time. This time I feel it in my soul. I know this is the end, and I want to make it last as long as I can. I want to connect with her on every level – maybe that will make leaving more tolerable. I may not have her, but I’ll always have these memories. I guess that will be enough. It will have to be enough.
