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“They were the response, but not the resolution,” she continued.
“Can I heal from this?” I asked honestly. “Or will I always be broken by it?”
“You can heal from it,” she said, squeezing my hands. “Unloading this burden you’ve been carrying alone for years is the first step, and while you can’t erase it, as much as I wish we could, you can resolve it.”
“How?”
“By not blaming yourself,” she said. “By understanding you didn’t deserve what happened to you and knowing you’re worthy of healthy relationships and love for who you are, which has nothing to do with your family or wealth or anything else.”
I sucked in a long breath, suddenly feeling as weightless as if I stepped into a warm, deep pool. She wasn’t chiding me for being too drunk and not fighting harder. She wasn’t calling me an awful human being for taking it out on my sister for so many years or for trying to outrun and drown the memory with alcohol. She was just holding my hands and looking at me with complete understanding and hope.
Hope.
Forme.
“Now,” Dr. Casson said, scanning my face. “How are you feeling after finally talking about what happened?”
I took inventory of myself, taking my time to sort through all the emotions just like she taught me. “Honestly?” I asked, and she nodded. “Happy,” I said, laughing a little and feeling all the more ridiculous for it. “Angry and a little sad, but happy.”
She smiled at me. “That’s understandable,” she said. “Those are very common reactions once you give voice to the things that have been haunting you.”
“I can’t believe I’ve never told anyone until now.”
“You’ve held onto it for so long which only gave it more power over you. You’ve taken the power back now.”
“It feels like that,” I said.
“Good. It will take time to heal from this, and we can continue to work on it as we go along, but I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you for opening up. I know it could be hard, but you should consider sharing your story with the people you trust, just like you have me. That took courage.”
I laughed and waved her off. “No one has ever called me courageous before.”
“Well, I am,” she said. “You’re doing wonderful, Anne. And you should really take ownership of that.”
Iwasdoing good. Working on myself and at two jobs, making new connections and friendships I would’ve never allowed myself in the past. Living a life I could actually remember.
That was all me. It wasn’t Jim or my family. Just me.
Everything else was a bonus.
The realization gave me a new sense of authority over my life I’d never felt before, and I basked in it as Dr. Casson and I parted ways. If I could do that…if I could manage to cleanse myself of the past and move forward with an active role in my own life, then what else could be possible?
* * *
Okay, the universe absolutely fucking hated me.
There was no other explanation, except maybe that Dr. Casson had a sick, twisted sense of humor and was pulling off the worst prank in history, because there was no wayKent fucking Donnleyhad just been sat in my section with a group of friends.
I knew he still lived here. I’d looked him up when I moved back to town. He worked for some corporation in Charleston, but kept home here in Sweet Water. Social media was both a blessing and a curse and chalked full of information about past abusers.
“You okay, Anne?” Lyla asked after she’d done her dinner rounds in the dining room, checking on how the customers liked their meal.
“Fine,” I said, snapping to attention. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “If you need a break just tell me.”
“I’m good,” I said, letting anger and the newfound freedom I’d earned from my session earlier today wash over me. “Thanks though,” I said, winking at her as I sauntered over to my newest table.
He had no power over me anymore.
