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Sniffling, I pulled in a deep breath and squared my shoulders. I knew women tended to be more critical of themselves than anyone else, but beyond the fear of taking the stage and being bought by a stranger for the night, was the fear that no one would bid at all. That I wasn’t good enough.
That humiliation seemed worse than giving myself to someone for money.
Blowing the breath back out, I picked up my phone and turned on music to lose myself in as I got ready instead of thinking about everything that could go wrong. I sang along with the lyrics, refusing to acknowledge why I was being extra careful with my makeup, and why I was pulling on the slinkiest dress I could find, before covering it with a t-shirt and long skirt.
There was no way I would make it out of the house without being stopped and grilled if Momma or Michael saw me in the dress I’d bought. Leo hadn’t said what to wear, but I knew my office attire and waitressing outfits wouldn’t inspire anyone’s lust, so I’d stopped at the thrift store around the corner from the office on the way home and bought the only thing I could find in my size that didn’t cost more than I had to spare.
It was a skintight, bright yellow, spaghetti strap dress that ended mid-thigh. People would have to look away from it under the stage lights or risk being blinded, but there had been nothing else on the rack even remotely sexy, and I hadn’t had time to go anywhere else before heading to Frankie’s for my shift yesterday.
Checking my reflection again, I pasted on the best smile I could manage. It came off looking more like I had gas, and I gave up. I could fake demure easier than excitement.
Glancing at the time on my phone, it felt like someone punched me in the gut, and my heart tripped over itself before taking off. I didn’t want anyone knocking on the door and alerting my family to something strange going on, so I’d planned to wait outside for the car Leo had said he’d send for me, but if I didn’t get moving, I wouldn’t make it out in time.
Grabbing my purse off the bed, I paused to listen at my bedroom door before cracking it open to check the hall. Holding my breath, I tiptoed toward the front door, but stopped in my tracks when Momma turned the corner as I hit the bottom of the stairs and spotted me.
“Hey, honey. I thought you’d already left for work.”
“I, uh, didn’t have to work tonight. Boss decided to give me a Saturday off for once, so I was going to go out with a friend.”
Momma’s brow creased when I said I had the night off, but a smile lit her face when I told her I was going out.
“That’s exciting! I’m glad you’re getting the chance to go out and have fun. You and your brother are far too serious all the time. You need to get out and live a little.”
Momma put her hands on my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug. The guilt of lying to her was already gnawing at me, but I couldn’t tell her the truth.
Pushing me back to arm’s length, Momma looked me over from head to toe, her brow furrowing again.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to wear to prom? Didn’t we get you a nice dress?”
I froze, breath catching in my throat as I thought fast to come up with something as the happiness drained from Momma’s face. I didn’t want to upset her by trying to correct her about where I was going or that I’d been out of high school for a few years now. Her memories were getting tangled up more and more over the years, and we’d learned it was best to go with it if we could.
“The school is doing an informal prom, remember? We decided to donate the money usually wasted on silly dresses and just have a relaxed party instead.”
Momma’s brows were still scrunched together, but the sadness left her eyes. She shook her head a little as her hands lifted from my arms, but she seemed to accept the lie.
“Well, that’s a good thing, I suppose. I just wish I’d gotten to see you get all dressed up.”
I gave her a tight smile, wrapping my arms around her again. Momma would hate knowing I had skipped my prom to work, if she could remember. I tried to appreciate the small blessings when I could, and we took what happened day by day.
“You will one day, Momma. I promise.”
She smiled as I let her go, giving me a peck on the cheek.
“Is your date here? Do I get to meet him?”
I was stunned into silence again, worry making me breathe harder. Any mention of an alpha was likely to set her off, and I didn’t want to leave Michael to deal with her in that state.
“No date, my friends and I decided to make it a girl’s night.”
Her smile had started to slide away but it came back as she chuckled.
“I knew you were a smart girl. Go! Have fun!”
I mumbled something about trying to even though I was convinced the night would be anything butfun. As I pulled the door open, I turned back to look at my mother, her blonde hair holding more streaks of grey now than its original color.
“Don’t worry if I’m not home when you wake up. I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight.”
I was going to say more, but Momma flapped her hand at me.
