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“Yes,” I reply firmly.
It has to be, because if it’s not…
My mood growing gloomier by the second, I get Abel set up in his highchair and make him breakfast. While he’s happily munching on his Cheerios, I walk over to the window and peek outside.
A big black SUV is sitting in the driveway, not even attempting to hide. Just like the last time Jude left.
The private security left for my ‘protection’.
Which is simply a nice way of saying they were left so I don’t try to run away.
Snapping the curtain back into place in irritation, I check on Abel then pace around the kitchen.
I don’t even need to check the back window. No doubt there’s a man stationed in the backyard again.
Chewing on my bottom lip, the walls start to close in on me.
All my choices, my entire fucking life, that brought me to this moment start to suffocate me.
The kitchen is bigger than my last apartment, but it feels too small. Too confining.
If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to lose my damn mind.
“Fuck, I need some space,” I grumble to myself.
Abel giggles and slaps his hands against his tray, sending Cheerios flying.
My anxiety immediately spikes as the Cheerios hit the floor. The white marble is so clean and shiny, I can almost see my reflection.
Squatting down next to the highchair, I start to pick up every Cheerio.
At first, Abel watches me with innocent curiosity.
But once I have everything picked up, he giggles and knocks more cereal down on me. Thinking it’s a game.
“Please don’t make a mess,” I tell him, but I know it’s pointless.
He doesn’t understand. How could he? He’s only a baby.
He’s not afraid that Jude will think he’s trash if he leaves a mess.
The game goes on for a few minutes, until Abel has knocked down more than he’s eaten.
“Don’t be whining at me in five minutes that you’re hungry, mister,” I tell him sternly as I get him out of the highchair.
Oblivious to my mood, he babbles and clings happily to my side as I carry him to his playpen in the living room.
Once he’s settled, playing with his brand new toys, I pace around some more.
Not knowing what to do with myself.
The house is immaculate. There’s nothing for me to clean or pick up.
No errands to run.
The maid does the laundry, so I’m at a complete loss.
I could watch TV, but I don’t even know how to turn the damn thing on.
