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Shit.
My back is warm and wet now.
“Well, buddy,” I say to Abel, “I’m assuming that burping you was a good thing.”
Another frown suddenly appears on his face, and by some fucking stroke of ill luck I feel a wet spot on the front of my shirt.
“You just peed on me, didn’t you?” I ask.
Moving us up the stairs and down the hall, I walk past the bathroom and straight into Eden’s bedroom. Looking around, I spot a table and a stack of diapers on the side.
I can do this.
I can change a diaper.
No problem.
I’ve put a woman’s pad on a man’s leg to help stop a bleeding stab wound. I’ve stuffed tampons into gunshot wounds.
Steeling my nerves, I lay a squirming Abel on the changing tabletop.
He’s squirmy but not crying yet. Thank fuck.
Looking down at him, I frown.
How the fuck do you take these damn baby clothes off?
There’s buttons and snaps, but any way I do this is liable to make him cry, and that’s the last fucking thing I need right now with Eden finally asleep.
Digging into my pants pocket, I pull out my switchblade.
Adaptation has always been one of my strong suits. That’s why I was one of the nomadic men in the family. Drop me anywhere, with anything, and I’ll adapt, survive, and come out ahead.
Carefully cutting off the baby clothes, I drop them into the garbage can next to the changing table.
I can always buy more of whatever the fuck those are.
Popping the diaper tabs on both sides, I peel the front off and discover to my absolute fucking horror that it wasn’t piss that got on me.
He’s got a massive load of shit in his diaper and it’s running down one of his legs.
The smell is awful, and the giggle he gives me as he starts to shoot piss straight into my face is all I need to know that this little fucker has declared war.
Flapping the diaper back over him, I try not to growl. “I will end you, mister.”
Another giggle and then the little squirming poop machine is letting out a massive liquid sounding fart. The grunt of satisfaction Abel gives makes me both envious and repulsed at the same time.
“Son of a—” I gag at the smell.
By all that is holy and unholy, I’ve never smelled that before.
It’s not natural.
I’d call one of my brothers to ask about this but I’d just get laughed at. I know it.
Even the voices inside of me, who have been oddly quiet most of this time, are taunting me.
Looking down at my shirt, I see the piss and shit on me.
