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The way he looked at me… as if he wanted to rip me apart and fuck me silly…
The way he looked at Abel like he was utterly enchanted and would do anything for him.
Kyle never looked at Abel like that.
Jude showed Abel more love and concern last night than Kyle ever did. And Kyle has known Abel for months and months…
Fuck.
Scrubbing my loofa over my skin, I try to erase Jude’s touch from my body but I only end up making myself bleed.
Which is fitting, given that Jude’s blood is all over my hands.
I didn’t pull the trigger but I might as well have.
Oh god, I hope it was quick.
I hope they didn’t make him suffer…
Slapping my hand against the tile, I struggle to hold myself upright.
The full gravity of what I’ve done finally slamming into me.
He’s gone.
Gone forever.
He’s not coming back.
And it doesn’t feel worth it.
It truly doesn’t feel fucking worth it.
For so long, I’ve felt like if I only had more money, everything would be better. Easier.
If I had security, I could finally feel at ease.
But I never wanted it this way.
I never wanted it at the cost of someone else’s life.
Blood money.
It’s all dirty blood money.
The steam of the shower starting to choke me, I twist the water off and stand in my bathtub, shivering.
I don’t want the money. I’d rather be forever poor.
If I could take it back, I would. In a heartbeat.
Jude scared the shit out of me, and I know he had a part in my father’s death…
But I don’t want him dead.
Oh god, I don’t want him dead.
Stumbling out of the tub, I yank a towel off the rod and wrap it tight around me.
