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“Dude,” Will scoffs.
“What? Look how miserable Connor looks right now. It’s not my fault you three settled down with one person for the rest of your lives. And sugar bear, here”—Matt wrestles Will into a headlock—“is next because he thinks Torie’s hung the moon. No, thank you. Give me a hot piece of ass with no strings attached any day of the week.”
Lex shakes his head. “Stop being a fucking eejit and let’s help my brother figure out his problems.”
I shake my head and chuckle. “Actually, I appreciate Matt’s honesty.”
“You mean bullshit,” Tatum interjects.
“I always knew Connor was the smarter brother.” Matt gives my brother a shit-eating grin.
“Another round.” Tatum signals the server. “Tell us what happened and maybe we can help.”
I sigh and scoot my empty beer glass away from me. “Where do I start?”
“Start at the beginning,” Will says.
“We looked into adoption, but our lawyer said it could be years. Guess not too many people are too keen on givin’ up their baby to two gay men. So we’ve been interviewing these women from all over the country to be a surrogate. TJ’s gone looney over this geebag who I wouldn’ want to carry my child and he hates the one I liked. It’s like he’s gone pure barmy. He’s hired some gobdaw designer named Jean Luc Poop who wants to turn our guest room into a Las Vegas brothel. He wants a bedazzled unicorn in our family photos, and to pretend Enzo and Charleigh are our kids so we look like we have experience. He came home with a stray cat to prove to me he can handle kids, but he can’t even stomach throw-up, much less clean the litter box. The girls gave us a live doll and TJ left it on the rooftop of the Jeep and accidentally ran over it. He has a film crew following us around twenty-four-seven and some woman named Sparkles Delight is going to be living with us and I feckin’ done know how to handle it all. I’m in bits, do ye know like?”
Four blank faces stare back at me. My brother chuckles into his fist while Tatum leans back in his chair and shakes his head. “Fuck the beer. This calls for whiskey.”
“I’m on it.” Will heads to the bar to get the liquor.
“Done get the cheap stuff. Put it on Tatum’s tab,” Lex calls over his shoulder.
Tatum punches him in the arm. “You’re lucky it’s for your brother.”
Will brings back a tray of whiskeys and we all take a shot.
“Damn, that burns.” Matt scrunches his face.
“Don’t be a pussy, Ingles,” Tatum says. “So, Connor. What’s a Sparkles Delight?”
“The name of the surrogate TJ wants to use. That was her dancer and roller derby name.”
“What kind of dancer?” Matt waggles his eyebrows.
“Take a guess, ye fuckin’ cabbage.” Lex passes out another round of shots.
“Pretty sure she wasn’ a ballerina,” I agree with Lex before downing another shot.
“Well, what do you want to do? Adopt or go the way of surrogacy?” Will asks.
“I dunno anymore, youknowwhatImean?” I sigh. “I want TJ to be happy, but at what cost to my sanity?”
“I get it,” Tatum says. “Kiki wants to have another, but we’re going through a rough patch with the two boys, and both our schedules are so slammed I barely see them as it is. Chase is a wild man and honestly a lot to handle. And Drew gets pushed to the wayside by his brother. He’s like a sponge, soaking up all the extra attention we can give him when Chase isn’t around. Kiki really wants a girl, but the boys dictate our lives right now. I don’t think Kiki and I have slept alone in our bed for the past two weeks. Even with all the help we have, they’re a lot of work. At what point do you say enough is enough?”
“Aye, Sarah and I are up to our ears in psychologists and therapy to figure out why Wyatt is always cryin’ and when Alexis isn’t driving us up the wall with all her questions, then we have to worry about her sayin’ inappropriate things. Not to mention having a sexually active teenager in the house. Sarah walked in on Jax having sex the other day with some Colleen in his room. Christ, at fifteen, I wasn’t a saint, but at least I had my guitar to focus on. We never had to deal with social media and crap like Snapchat and Be Real where dick pics and tit shots are an everyday occurrence. It’s not easy raising kids in today’s world. It’s a feckin’ full-time job.”
Matt holds his fist out to Lex.
“What the fuck is that for?”
“Dude, congrats to Jax.” Matt laughs and punches his fist toward Lex.
“Get the fuck out of here, eejit.” Lex pushes his hand away.
“Shit, what did you say to Jax?” Will asks.
