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“Yes,” I admitted abruptly. “Sorta.” Glancing down at the floor, I turned bright red. “But I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Of everything!” I cried in exasperation. “I mean… there’soneof me. There’s three of you. It’s obvious I’m going to get hurt.”
Tyler scratched at his chin. Even the sound his stubble made was turning me on.
“Seems to me you stand to hurt all three of us,” my ex-boyfriend pointed out.
“He’s right,” Jay nodded. “When you look at it that way, the odds are actually in your favor.”
Odds.
My favor.
I let out a short, maniacal laugh.
“Look, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t fun,” I went on. “And it’s supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be hot and steamy and totally fucking incredible, just like it is, but…”
As my words trailed off, my gaze settled on Luca. He was leaning back now, his corded arms crossed tightly over his big, beautiful chest. He had his feet up on the chair I’d just vacated.
“But it can’t last,” I sighed simply. “This is a fling, times three. A super-sized one-night-stand with some encores added.”
“So what’s the drawback?”
The question came from Jay. It should’ve been a source of frustration that he wasn’t getting it, but he was looking up at me so innocently I just wanted to kiss him.
“If you’re hell-bent on ending it that’s fine,” said Tyler. “We can forget all the sex. We can go back to just being friends.”
My stomach lurched.Friends?Could we really do that now? Had I screwed that scenario up to where it couldn’t happen anymore? The whole idea made me sick.
“That’s… that’s not what I want either,” I cried. “Losing you now might be easier than losing you later, one by one. Because that’s what will happen, you know. For guys like you, girlfriends grown on trees. You can walk though life and pluck them at will. You’ll all move on at one time or another, and then—”
“Jenna?”
I swallowed hard, before turning to face Luca again. The intensity of his gaze was intimidating.
“What is it that you actually want?”
Long life,I thought to myself.Deep love. A happy future. World peace.
Thrusting those things aside, my finger twirled in a slow circle, pointing to all three of them... then back to myself.
“I wantthis,” I gasped softly.
My lovers looked at each other, one by one. What I was asking for felt greedy. But it didn’t feel wrong.
“But youhavethis,” Luca pointed out.
“I— I know,” I admitted. “But if it were up to me, it would go on forever.”
I dropped the last word without thinking, my mouth betraying my heart. It sounded ridiculous under the circumstances. I winced, kicking myself for saying it.
“Sorry,” I apologized immediately. “I know that sounds stupid, but—”
“No. It really doesn’t.”
They were up again now, surrounding me from all sides. Their nearness was comforting. Their sentiment was honest, and without a hint of placation.
