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The blue in his eyes hits like a shot of espresso. My attention drops to his lips. The same lips I kissed not so long ago. The same lips I’ve been dreaming about ever since. Scratch that. Even before our kiss, I dreamed about them. About what they’d taste like. What they’d feel like.
“What else did you like, Mack?” I whisper.
“I liked how I didn’t feel lonely anymore. Even when I was with Summer, I still felt alone. But with you?” A soft smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “It’s different. It’s more.”
“It’s more for me too,” I breathe out.
“Then give me a chance, Kate. Don’t push me away. Don’t let my ex get in the way of this.”
“I don’t want to. But this isn’t only about you and me. You should’ve seen her, Mack. Summer was almost…” The word catches in my throat, so I take a sip of my coffee, unable to look at him. I’m too embarrassed. Too scared.
“She was almost what?” he prods.
“Jealous,” I choke out, dragging my thumb along the tiny opening in my cup while refusing to look at him. “What if she wants you back?”
Mack snorts. “She doesn’t, and she won’t. She knows we were as toxic for each other as I do.”
“You weren’t there…”
“I don’t need to have been there to know how she feels, Kate. We were together for a long time. And like I said, I know her. She doesn’t like letting things go or giving things away, even when she doesn’t want them anymore. The idea of me moving on stung, but it doesn’t mean she regrets giving me up. It was just a hard pill to swallow.”
“Do you wish she hadn’t given you up?” I ask. “If you could go back––”
“Look at me,” he orders.
I swallow past the bitter taste in my mouth and meet his gaze.
“We were both miserable. I was too much of a coward to admit it, let alone do anything about it.”
“What about Miley and Hazel?” I ask. “I could see her influencing them. I could literally hear it in the way she spoke, and they’re your daughters. What if our relationship pisses her off, and she keeps talking crap behind your back? I can’t…I can’t be the cause of another rift between you and your kids.”
Defeat seeps from his bones as his chin drops to his chest. “The rift is already there, Kate. Even if you weren’t in the picture, Summer would still have hard feelings toward me, and she’d still be airing it out in front of our girls. It took me a long time to accept it, but Hazel’s an adult, and Miley’s sixteen. She’s old enough to make her own decisions, and the more I pushed after the divorce, the more they retreated. So now, I tell them I love them, try to reach out every day, and hope it’ll be enough until they decide to bridge the gap that was made as soon as Summer and I signed the divorce papers.”
“But it’s…crazy, isn’t it? The way she can do that to you? To her daughters?”
“She isn’t a bad mom,” he argues. “In fact, she’s a pretty great one. It’s only when I’m involved do the claws come out. It’s another reason why I don’t push. The girls don’t deserve it, either. Dealing with her when she gets like this.”
“Doesn’t make it okay, though,” I push. “I’m not sure I want to rock the boat, especially if it could potentially mess with your relationship with your daughters.”
“She’s my ex, Kate. And yes, she’s the mother of my children and isn’t going anywhere, but she’s not allowed to say who I can or cannot date. Or what’s right or wrong when it comes to my decisions. And when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel wrong. Honestly, it feels more right than any relationship I’ve ever been in.”
“It feels right to me too,” I murmur, surprised by how true it is. It does feel right. When I’m with Mack, life doesn’t feel so complicated. It doesn’t feel so lonely. If anything, it feels comfortable. Like coming home and warming up by the fire. Like movie marathons in your favorite pajamas. Like fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies.
But his ex? She’s the opposite. She’s like a lobotomy or a colonoscopy. Like an ice-cold shower at five in the morning or a queasy stomach after some questionable take-out.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he murmurs.
“I’m scared, Mack. Scared to open this can of worms with your ex. I mean, can you blame me for not wanting to walk into that particular field of chaos? She was asking me––a complete stranger, mind you––if I knew you or if I knew who you might be dating. How long until she finds outI’mthe tramp from Rowdy’s? What then?”
“I never said I didn’t have baggage, Kate. Remember? I told you everyone has their shit. And I know mine might seem like too much for you, but everyone has it. Everyone. I’m asking you to set it aside. To trust me. I’ll try to shield you from her. Make sure she keeps her distance, which, honestly, shouldn’t be too difficult in the long run since she wants nothing to do with me. I’ve been off her radar for years now, and if Rachel hadn’t said anything, we’d still be off her radar. It’ll take a little time, that’s all.”
“But we aren’t even together,” I remind him. “Not officially or anything.”
“Do you want to be?” he asks.
Is he serious?
“What about your dating apps?”
