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“Not all of them though. He should be here…’
“Yeah. Maybe. But he isn’t. I miss him Kill. And I know you do too, but this is the path that was carved out for us. He was never destined to be here. Don’t beat yourself up over something you can never control. Is that what’s on your mind this morning?”
I spin to face her, my eyebrows furrow. “How do you know somethings on my mind?”
“Because I’ve known this family almost my entire life. I know when you boys have something eating away at you. Talk to me Kill.”
I drop my head on the back of the bench, taking a few deep breaths. “I’m wondering if I should feel guilty about what comes next. I’m not a saint Nora, none of us are. I know that I have a demon inside of me, we all do. But if I don’t feel guilty, if I don’t have doubts about what needs to happen does that make me the monster? Does that mean the demon is me?”
She takes a breath and then places a hand on my shoulder. Turning to look at her she gives me a small smile. “You’re not a monster Killian, nor are you your demon. I think not feeling guilty about it makes you who you are. It makes you an O’Farrell. You weren’t raised for this life Killian; you were born for it. I get that it might be hard, but he deserves his vengeance. So do you and your brothers. Go do what needs to be done, make peace with what you need to do, bury it, and then move on.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as I stand. Leaning down to her I place a kiss on the top of her head. I grab the coffee she made me, but she reaches out for the cup taking it from me. “Just because you can’t handle the coffee doesn’t mean you should waste it. I’ll drink it.” I chuckle letting her take the cup then head back inside.
“We leave in twenty,” I state to Ro. He gives me a small nod and then continues making breakfast, I’m guessing for the kids as I can hear some kids show playing in the front room. I walk over to the counter where RJ is sitting, his eyes have never left me since I walked in the back door. “Hey, buddy.” He smiles climbing to his feet on the stool and reaching for me. He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug and I feel his small hand tapping on my back. I hold him for just a little longer. Without even realising it this kid is giving me the strength I need. I place him back in his seat then give Ronan a small nod before making my way up to get ready and see my woman.
Fifteen minutes later I’m ready and sitting on the edge of the bed watching her sleep. I don’t really want to wake her but there is something I need to say before I go. Reaching forward I place a kiss on her forehead, then the tip of her nose. “Baby, wake up.” I pepper gentle kisses on her cheek, around her mouth and on her chin. “Baby. Open your eyes.”
She stirs, letting out a small moan. I cup her cheek rubbing my thumb back and forth over her cheekbone. Then across her swollen red lips.
“Mo Chroí. I need you to wake up. You have a busy day.”
Her eyes flutter open and she smiles when she sees me. I lean down kissing her like she’ll break. Who am I kidding? I’m kissing her like I’m gonna break. I can’t get too caught up right now. I need to stay focussed.
“Baby?” She questions when I pull back.
“I have to go. And you need to get your pretty little arse outta bed. You have a busy day ahead.”
She pulls herself into a seating position. “Wait, what do you mean I have a busy day?”
“I’m done waiting baby. Ten years is enough. It’s all arranged, you have three days to plan whatever you want.”
She jumps up curling her legs and keeling in front of me. “You can’t be serious Killian. I’m a marketing manager and pa, not an events planner. I can’t plan something this big in three days.”
Her eyes dart around the room as her mind races with everything she might need to do, the panic setting it. I grab her face with both of my hands and slam my lips onto hers. Pushing my tongue into mouth. She opens giving me access and I feel her body relax as I lick and suck on her tongue then pull at her lip with my teeth. I watch her breathe deeply her eyes remain closed for several seconds. I groan when she licks her bottom lip then opens her eyes, I see the need in them. She wants more and I’d love to give her that, but right now I need to go.
“Later. I promise. I’ll give you anything, do anything you want. But today we both have things to do.” I stand and walk toward the door, but she jumps off the bed and runs toward me, wrapping her arms around me waist and pulling me into her.
“Baby. Three days really?”
“I’m done waiting Bella. I gave you your independence. Ten years of it. No more.”
She nods and I breathe a sigh of relief as she gives me the biggest smile. “Any requests?”
I shake my head. “Just for you to meet me at the end and say yes.” I pull her toward me, kissing her. Making sure to leave her a little breathless and wanting more. Before I turn on my heel and leave.
Chapter 44
My insides burn with the need for revenge. I stood back yesterday and let my brothers take the lead. I let them get what they needed while I just watched. I fought to keep my demon down in the depths, fought to keep him from breaking free. I know if I start, that if I give myself even just a moment, I won’t be able to stop. So, I push him down. I use my items from Liv and Maddie, I let them light the darkness that bubbles away inside of me. And when I feel it rise, feel it pull at me, I think of them. Think of Liv, how she accepted me for me, how she slotted into this family like she’s always been a part of it. I think of how strong she is. I think of how she became my anchor when I needed one the most. And I think of Maddie. How she calls me Dad. How she tells me every single night when I put her to bed that she thinks she’s so lucky because she has two dads. I think about how she loves without fault or without any expectations.
Leaning back against the wall, I close my eyes and remember how I woke up to her snuggling into me. Her head resting on my shoulder, her arm across my chest and her hand curled around Liv’s fingers. I pushed her hair away from her face thinking she was asleep, but her eyes sprung open, and she smiled at me like she hadn’t seen me for weeks.
She said she’d been woken from a nightmare but hadn’t wanted to wake me or Liv so just climbed into bed with us, because she said it made her feel a little better.
“Brother?” I jump. I’d been so focussed on thinking about my girls to keep me grounded that I hadn’t even realised Kill was standing in front of me.
“It’s time Ro.”
I push away from the wall, taking a step closer to him. “Time for what?”
