Page 108 of Take It on Faith


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Catalina was silent for a moment, a peaceful look on her face. She smiled down at me.

“That’s the good news,” she said. “The only thing you can do is move forward.”

Once I was settled enough and not breaking down into tears every few minutes, Catalina convinced me to pack a bag and sleep at her place. I didn’t fight her.

I thought I was fine until we reached her place and Jeremiah opened the door. Seeing the look on his face, I couldn’t helping breaking into tears again. This time, Catalina let Jeremiah take over as I cried.

When I was finally able to speak coherently, Jeremiah looked over my head at Catalina. “Thai food for delivery?” he asked.

She nodded. “Thai food,” she said.

We ordered Thai food whenever any of the three of us was going through a tragedy of some kind. We got it the day I told Catalina and Jeremiah about Dante’s diagnosis, then when Catalina was fired from her full-time job—“With the benefits!” she had wailed over her Tom Yum—and again when Jeremiah’s grandmother, who was a second mother to him, died.

So it was no surprise that we were going to usher in the beginning of the end of my marriage with Thai food. As Catalina went to scrounge up the takeout menu, Jeremiah regarded me with a thoughtful, curious look. “So, you left Michael.”

I gave a small chuff of a laugh. “He left me. Spectacularly and thoroughly. You see the video?”

Jeremiah shrugged a little, nodding at a thought playing through his mind. “But did he really leave you? Or did you leave him a long time ago?”

I frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

He shifted forward, bringing his elbows to the tops of his thighs. “Well, there are some people who are there for a season, or who have a specific purpose,” he said. He stroked his face, his dimples appearing like a captive audience as he carefully chose his words. “Michael was here for a very specific purpose, to help you through your breakup with Andrew.”

“But Andrew and I weren’t together romantically.”

“Doesn’t matter. You still loved him romantically, and your feelings weren’t returned, and you two stopped hanging out. For all intents and purposes, y’all broke up.” I sighed because I knew he was right. “Anyway, you and Andrew broke up, and Michael was there to help you pick up the pieces. He was also, I think, there to show you that you can in fact fall in love again and live a full life even without Andrew. But he wasn’t meant to stay so long, and you definitely weren’t meant to marry the guy. I mean, look at what he tried to get you to do, all you had to give up to make it work.

“But I think subconsciously, you knew that his time and purpose had run out. It’s why you went on tour, why you got so physically close with Andrew.” When I frowned at him, he raised an eyebrow. “Anyone with eyes could see that if you two hadn’t hooked up already, you would soon enough.” Jeremiah leaned back, linked his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose but watched me with knowing eyes. “Listen, I’m not here to tell you what to do with your life. I think you have too many people doing that already, honestly, including my own wife.” He shot a wry glance over his shoulder when Catalina called out, “I heard that!” I laughed. “But just remember to listen to what God’s telling you above all else. And then, after that, listen to yourself.”

Though I was pretty sure I buried my belief in God along with my brother, I nodded. Jeremiah was right: I spent too much time listening to the voices outside my head, and not enough time knowing what it was that I wanted to do. I knew that with this understanding came more work, work that I didn’t want to do. But it wasn’t going to go away just because I wanted to suppress it.

Catalina popped her head out of the kitchen. “Everyone ready for Thai?”

I smiled. “No,” I said. I looked at Jeremiah, and he bestowed a rare smile on me. “It’s not necessary.”

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