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Seventeen
Iwas watching cartoons with Andrew at my place when the tailor called. I listened for a moment before hanging up. Andrew turned to me. “What is it?”
“I have to do a final fitting.” I grimaced. “They want to make sure they hemmed the bottom of my wedding dress correctly.”
Andrew jumped up, almost knocking over a teetering bowl of cereal. “Well, let’s get going!”
I stood up, too. “You don’t think you’re coming with me, do you?”
Andrew frowned. “Why wouldn’t I?”
I thought about it for a moment and tried to think of a reason why he shouldn’t go. It’s not like I was marrying him. It wouldn’t be bad luck for him to see the dress.
After I couldn’t think of any reason for him not to go, I shrugged. “Fuck it, why not?” I said. I grabbed my wallet and phone from the depths of the couch. “Let’s go get my dress.”
Andrew seemed contemplative on our way to the shop. I tried not to ask, mostly because I didn’t think I wanted to know, but after a while, I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” I sighed.
Even from the corner of my eye, I could see his resulting grin. “Couldn’t stand the silence, huh.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I can stand the silence, but I know you’re gonna tell me anyway. Might as well tell me now.”
His murmur of a laugh made my face feel like it was burning from the inside out. My watch beeped. “Well, since you insist, Jones. I was just thinking about how differently everything turned out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for starters, we always thought I would get married.” He laughed. “And that you never would.”
I nodded. “True.”
“And who knew that of the two of us, you would be the one who’s optimistic about love.”
“I’m not optimistic,” I insisted. “But the fact is, my parents are still together and in love, and so are yours. The facts speak for themselves.”
“Sometimes, there are things beneath the surface that we couldn’t possibly imagine, Ace.”
I stole a glance at him, suspicious of the tone of his voice. He seemed to be saying something, but I couldn’t tell what. “Like what?”
His face remained mostly serene, but I sensed a dark cloud hovering nearby. “Like survival instincts. Or staying together for the kids. Or a host of other things that keep people together that have nothing to do with love.”
“What I’m wondering is why you’re fighting this so hard,” I said. “Didn’t you say you were still looking for love?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So why are you so hellbent on disproving its sustainability?”
“I’m not trying to disprove its sustainability. I simply don’t believe it can be sustained for the long haul.”
“But doesn’t the Bible talk about love? And don’t you believe in that?”
“I guess. But it’s not the same.”
“Well, either you believe in the Bible, or you think God lied. Which is it?”
Andrew remained silent. I could almost hear the gears cranking in his head.
“You know,” he said finally, “for someone who doesn’t believe in God anymore, you sure do go hard for him and his commandments.”
“I don’t,” I said, making a turn. We stopped in front of the tailor, and I took the key out of the ignition. “I just believe in love. You can believe in that without believing in God.”
