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I looked after him, itching to go after him and smooth things over but also fighting the inbred training to do what I was asked to do—in this case, give him space. My belly burned with guilt and shame for choosing to leave him and upsetting the delicate balance we had created.
But then, just for a moment, I felt the sting of disappointment that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do for once, consequences be damned. If I wanted to marry someone on a whim, or not, it should be my decision, and my feelings should come first. If I wanted to follow after my dad to quell my own loss of safety and comfort, I should be able to do that. Instead, I put my dad’s wishes before my own.
Everything’s going to be fine. You just have to get through this one thing.
With that settled, I turned to Nathan. “Are you okay?” I asked.
Nathan nodded, still staring at the back door. He turned to me, a frown instantly furrowing his brow once he saw my face. “Areyou?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I responded automatically. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
He squinted. “Because we told your dad we’re getting married and asked for his blessing, and instead, he left the room?” he asked. “Anyone would have feelings about that.”
I shrugged, still trying to shove my feelings behind the emotional wall I had erected but finding it difficult when I looked into Nathan’s eyes. “I guess,” I conceded. “It’s not every day you ask your dad for his blessing for you to get married spur-of-the-moment. But I’m fine, really.”
Nathan still frowned but didn’t contest it. Instead, he pulled me into a hug. “Okay. You sure you don’t need a minute?”
“I’m positive.”
I sensed his disbelief in the way he held me a little tighter.
We stood there for longer than the offered minute, Nathan holding onto me before I gently pushed him away. I looked at the floor, unable to meet his eyes and see pity there. I just wanted this part to be over with, to get the boat back on even waters and not have to rock it again.
Everything’s going to be fine, I told myself.You just have to get through this one thing.
ChapterTen
CIARA
My dad’s abrupt exit made things awkward. Why would Nathan want to be with me now, after seeing how my own father responded to our pending nuptials? He probably thought we were unhinged.
But he didn’t say that. Instead, he put his hands in his pockets and asked, “So what was it you wanted to tell me?”
I briefly closed my eyes as I remembered the real reason why I asked Nathan to come over—to tell him about the change in plans when it came to my college application.How am I supposed to introduce this new element now?I thought.This will create even more problems.
“Nothing,” I said. “It can wait. We should probably talk about how we will introduce our engagement to everyone else, now that we’ve told my dad.”
I moved toward the stove, purposely turning my back on Nathan so I didn’t have to see his face. If he was going to call the whole thing off, I’d rather not see the rejection in his eyes.
I fiddled with the tongs, then the pot holders, unsure of where to put my attention now that I was at the stove. The bowls were full; there was nothing else to do. But just as I was thinking this, Nathan turned me around to face him, boxing me in with his arms.
I froze. We were so close, I could see the light brown ring around his pupils. I tried not to melt, tried not to imagine that we were in our future home and I was cooking, and he had just come home from a long day of work and was greeting me. I reminded myself that this was my fake fiancé, that we were brokering a marriage deal as opposed to falling in love, and that he just saw my father’s decidedly negative reaction to said marriage deal.
But still, it was hard to hold onto reality when he was this close. When I could smell the scent of clean laundry and his subtle, masculine cologne and something that was uniquely him. I let myself revel in the fantasy, just for a moment, that we were falling in love.
“Ciara,” he said. “Tell me what’s going on. And don’t say nothing,” he said as I opened my mouth to do just that. “Your whole body is tense.”
Ignoring the urge to tell him that I was tense because a hot man was close enough to kiss, I tried to relax, to no avail. Being around Nathan, even under the best of circumstances, would have made me tense and hyper-aware of his every movement. Being this close sent my body into overdrive.
“The animation program.” I cleared my throat, hearing the huskiness of my voice. “I got an email that the animation program I had planned to apply to is shutting down. The fall cohort is the last one.”
“Okay.” He was silent for a moment, searching my eyes. I tried not to hold my breath.
“Admittedly, I’m not seeing the problem,” he said finally. “When you get in, you’d start in September, right?”
“Right.”
“That sounds great. Are you not prepared? Is that the issue?”
