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“I can definitely do that!” I tried to smile and sound upbeat, realizing I had failed when Estelle raised her eyebrow at me.
I tipped my head to look at the ceiling. “I’m terrible at this,” I groaned. “No wonder Nathan doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
Estelle put her hands on my shoulders. “Hey. Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and turned to her.
“I know we’re trying to get Nathan’s attention and all that,” she said, “but are you sure you wanna do this? Be honest.”
“Of course,” I said immediately.
Estelle tilted her head.
“Yes,” I said, adding a nod this time.
Estelle still waited.
“Okay, fine, I’m not sure,” I admitted.
Estelle made a frustrated noise, dropping her hands.
“I don’t see what the problem is!” I argued. “What’s so bad about wanting to look good for my man?”
“Well, for one, I’ve never heard you utter the phraselook good for my man, even when you were dating Jonathan for like, three years.” Estelle put her hands on her hips. “Also, trying to get Nathan’s attention is one thing. Doing it against your will is a whole ’nother thing.”
“It’s not against my will,” I protested. “I just…need to get used to buying clothes. It’s been a long time since I had to come in and try anything on!”
“Because you never wanted to before.” Estelle shook her head. “This is my fault. I got excited about a shopping trip instead of checking in with you and asking you whatyouwanted. Let’s just go.”
As Estelle turned toward the dressing room door, I got a glimpse of the disappointed downturn of her lips, and it became too much to bear. I reached for her arm, stopping her from opening the door. “Wait. Let’s do this. I’ll find something, I promise.”
Estelle turned around, studying me with slightly squinted eyes. “I don’t believe you,” she said finally. “But I will continue under two conditions.”
My shoulders slumped with relief. “Anything.”
“First, we’re gonna go out there and get clothes youactuallylike,” she said. She held up her hand as I opened my mouth to assure her that Ididlike the clothes she’d chosen. “Ciara, do not lie to my face! Iknowyou’re not feeling any of these outfits.”
I sighed. “Fine,” I conceded. “I’ll take that. And the second condition?”
Estelle’s mouth tightened, a determined look on her face. “I need you to promise me that you won’t get so caught up in Nathan that you neglect yourownneeds,” she said.
I blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Ciara, I have seen you wear the same fourteen outfits in the five years I’ve known you. I have often talked about going shopping on my lunch break, and you have never even asked if you could tag along. You never really seemed to be into fashion. No offense,” she said quickly, holding up her hands.
“None taken,” I assured her because she was right.
“So now, when you’re agreeing to change your look for the first time inyears… I wanna make sure it’s something you do because youwantto, not because you’re trying to fit Nathan’s aesthetic.”
She glanced at the clothes, and when she turned back to me, her eyes were filled with concern. “Listen, you know how these people be runnin’ their mouths around here,” she said in a low voice. “They’re saying all kinds of stuff about you. How Nathan chose you to be his wife because his family’s in trouble somehow. Or that he got you pregnant, which—”—Estelle rolled her eyes—“obviouslyI know isn’t true. But still. Don’t get caught up in any of that craziness, okay? I know you, and I know your inability to remember your own needs when you see someone else struggling.”
I widened my eyes. “What? That’s not true.”
“But it is,” Estelle insisted. “You remember my ex, Peter? And our horrific breakup that had me out here with mascara running down my cheeks, sitting in the friggin cafe lookin’ like boo boo the fool because he brought hisnew chickto our breakup?”
I grimaced. “I remember.”
“Do you remember what else happened around that time?”
