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Finally she swallows, nodding. “I know. It's baffling. Like, why did you come here if you're not going to listen?”
“Exactly.”
“But most of the clients are good.”
“Sure, for the most part, they listen. They know what they're paying for. They can appreciate experience.”
“Try getting that from a pair of nineteen-year-old internet sensations.”
“Exactly. Thank God it's Friday.”
The truth is working with my best friend makes all of this a lot more fun. Our daily lunches and the way we can call out to each other from our offices when there are no clients around. We know each other and understand each other's rhythms. We know when to pick up the slack when the other is not at their best.
She pulls out her phone and starts scrolling, and I can't help but indulge my curiosity. “What's so interesting?”
Her cheeks darken before she slides me an embarrassed glance. “Sorry. No offense. I wanted to see if somebody I matched with sent me a message yet.”
“I thought you deleted the dating apps from your phone.”
“Yeah, well, the thing about apps is you can always download them again.”
“Sarah...”
“Hey, not all of us can be okay with being on our own the way you are.”
That stings, though I do my best to hide it. “Who said I was okay with it?”
“You know what I mean. You're the only person I know who doesn't actively try to date.”
“Because I'm actively building a business, remember?” I do my best to laugh it off while stabbing a piece of chicken harder than I need to.
“Well believe me, you're not missing anything.”
I stick to my salad, afraid of sounding sharp or irritated if I say anything else. Sarah has been my best friend since our days at Penn, and we see eye-to-eye on just about everything. Really, if there is such a thing as soul mates, she's the one. I've never met another friend who could look at me and instantly know what's going on in my head.
At the same time, there are moments like this when she doesn't think before speaking. She assumes I am actively trying to avoid relationships when truly, I don't have the time to put into it. Nobody wants to date someone who is only ever half-present, constantly juggling client meetings at all hours of the day and night depending on the severity of the latest emergency.
“I'm glad you can find enough balance in your life to think about dating,” I murmur, picking at the leaves so I don't have to reveal my discomfort. I don't know why that set me off like it did. Just one of those things you don't know bothers you until it comes up.
“You could, too,” she reasons. “If you weren't such a control freak. And you know I say that with love. Sometimes, though, you need to learn to let go a little bit. You can't work all day, every day. You're going to burn out, and then what happens to me? I lose my best friend and my business partner.”
She sticks out her bottom lip in a parody of a pout. “Please, won't you think of me?”
“You're such a jerk.” But I have to laugh. What she's saying comes from a good place, and she's right about my control freak tendencies. I can't help it. I like structure in my life, which means socializing and dating are a curveball I can't always manage. It's hard to predict what happens tomorrow or next week or even later today when I add in other people, outside factors. Most of the time, I would rather spend a night with my laptop.
That, I can predict. That, I can manage.
A ping from my phone signals a new email. “You're on your lunch break,” Sarah reminds me to no avail. I'm already reaching for the thing, opening the app, tucking a strand of dark hair behind my ear before I begin to read.
“What is it?” she asks in a hushed voice when my eyes go wide and my mouth falls open.
“I'm still not quite sure,” I confess, reading the message again. “But if it's what I think it is, this day has just gotten a lot more interesting.”
