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“Take Mrs. Coldwell home.”
Lottie grips her bag as she puts her arms around herself and she looks at me. “Aren’t you coming with me?”
Her voice shakes slightly, sounding vulnerable and I have to fight not to fall to my knees and beg for her forgiveness, but I harden my heart. Tonight proved why I couldn’t let myself get attached, she has too much power over me.
“Go home, Lottie. I’ve no further use for you tonight.”
Her sharp indrawn breath shows I’ve hit my mark.
“I hate you.”
Lifting my head, I see the devastation in her eyes coupled with a simmering anger. Stepping closer until she’s backed against the door of the limo, I take her chin in my hand and force her eyes to me. “No, you don’t, but you wish you did.”
Lottie yanks her head away from me and I let her go, slamming the door when she’s safely inside the car.
Watching the limo pull away, I realize that by hurting her to stop myself from falling for her, I was also fucking up my plan to make her love me again.
I needed a drink and to regroup. I needed a new plan.
18: Lottie
“Hurry,Eric, you’ll be late for school.”
It’s been two nights since the incident at the club, and I’ve hardly seen Linc. He comes home late at night after I’m in bed, crawling in beside me and settling his body around me so I’m cocooned by him. Then he’s gone before I wake, leaving me to think I’ve almost imagined the way he holds me as we sleep. I fake sleep when he comes to bed, not wanting to speak to him. In truth, I don’t know what to say. We’re at an unhealthy stalemate, and I hate the way it makes me feel. I yearn for the way he looks at me as if I’m the only person in the room, the way he holds me after we have sex, but I won’t allow him to treat me as he did that night.
The sex at the club has confused me. He made me feel dirty and cheap but so turned on and the orgasm had almost robbed me of the ability to stand, it had been so powerful. I’m certainly no expert but that didn’t seem right. Perhaps he was right and the fact I like that kind of treatment did make me a cheap whore? Yet it isn’t the sex that hurt me or his words, it’s the way he sent me away afterward as if I’d fulfilled his wishes and was no longer of use to him.
Rejection is something I’ve had to deal with all my life and for the most part, I’m immune to it, but Linc is the chink in my armor. He was always the one in my corner and it feels like a betrayal to have him treat me like all the others in my past have done.
I jump a mile when Eric speaks right next to me.
“I can’t find my baseball bag.”
“For goodness sake, Eric. We haven’t got time for this. Have you checked the bottom of your closet?”
His face lights up and he runs off to find it while I clear the breakfast things away to keep myself busy. Mrs. Jenkins will be in later to handle the cleaning and daily tasks of the house, but I can’t help being who I am, and I don’t let people pick up after me when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.
“Found it.”
“Good, now let’s go.”
I grabbed my bag, and we head to meet Boris who takes Eric to school every day. Linc had tried to convince me to change Eric’s school during the contract negotiations, but I’d been adamant he stay where he was. He’s happy there and doing well and he loves his teachers. Plus, I remember what private school was like for someone with no money and it sucked—hard.
The teachers look down on you, the kids tease you, and it’s not what I want for my brother. If I hadn’t had Clark and Linc, I’d have been so lonely there.
“Are you coming to my game tonight?”
I glance at Eric, raising a brow. “Have I missed one yet?”
“No, but I wanted to check. Everything’s different now.”
“I know, but I won’t ever stop being there for you. That won’t ever change. You understand?”
Eric shrugs trying to look older than his nine years. “I guess.”
“No guessing. I promise you, Eric. I’ll always be here for you.”
“What if you get sick like Momma did?”
