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Slowly, I get up as an orderly and a nurse watch our exchange, preparing to intervene if necessary. I try my best to calm Athena down. The last thing I want is for her to be drugged out of her mind.
“Athena, sweetie—”
Again, I’m cut off, but at least she’s not screaming anymore. Some of the ire and pain in her expression has faded when she looks at me coolly.
“I want you to leave.”
A small crack forms in my heart with her emotionless demand. I don’t want to leave her like this, but I know if I stay, there’s a chance I could make it worse.
I stare at her. Her arms are crossed tightly over her chest and her back is ramrod straight. Athena is done. She’s closed herself off from me.
This happens every time I try to tell her that what happened to cause her to be in this place wasn’t her fault. I know she wants to believe it, I see the desperation in her eyes, but a dark place inside her won’t allow her to.
I stuff my hands into my pockets to keep myself from reaching out to her. “If that’s what you want.”
Her nod is stiff. “It is.”
Swallowing past the thick knot in my throat, I tell her the same thing I tell her every time before I leave, no matter if I leave on a good note or a bad one. “I’ll be back next time.”
I’m not sure if she realizes the flash of relief she reveals on her face, but I hang on to that look with desperate hope.
Gritting my teeth, I turn and walk away. The nurse and orderly I pass, two faces I’ve seen hundreds of times, as well as many others, give me sympathetic looks. I don’t acknowledge them. I don’t acknowledge anyone as I leave. All of my focus is on keeping my feet moving forward. Because if I don’t, I’ll never have the strength to walk out the door.
When I step outside, the sky is gray and dreary, matching my somber mood. I keep my head down as I trek across the gravel parking lot to my SUV. Once I climb inside, I grip the steering wheel, my eyes automatically going back to the building where I just left part of my heart.
Guilt churns in my stomach.
Guilt for leaving Athena.
Guilt for what I’m doing to Cat by being here.
For as long as I’ve been making these visits, I’ve never told Cat. She wouldn’t understand my need to be near Athena. She wouldn’t understand the feelings I’ve developed for the woman. I love Cat with everything inside me, but Athena has a part of me too.
Athena doesn’t know about Cat either. I’ve kept both women a secret from each other. It’s better this way.
Because I know in my heart that if one knows about the other, I very well may lose them both.
ChapterFive
Caterina
Carrying a laundry basket full of clean clothes upstairs, I walk past the two closed doors on either side of the hallway and go into Hunter’s and my room. I set the basket on the bed and grab Hunter’s socks and boxer briefs and take them to the dresser to put away.
As I pull out a stack of t-shirts from the basket, my eyes land on the framed picture on Hunter’s nightstand. A smile curls my lips as I walk around and pick it up.
Sitting on our bed, I stare at one of my favorite pictures of Hunter and me. It was taken a few years ago when we went to Montana for Max and Emily’s wedding. The ceremony was held outside on Max’s ranch. With my hair swept up, I wore a lavender satin gown that showed off my shoulders. Hunter looked devilishly handsome in his black tux. The look on his face as he dipped me backward during our dance will forever be one of my favorites. Anyone looking at him would see the absolute devotion in his eyes as he gazed down at me. My own expression was full of every ounce of love I have for the man holding me. Mom took the picture, and she couldn’t have captured it at a more perfect moment.
I thank God every day for my best friend, Megan, because she’s the reason Hunter and I met. We were both in our third year of college and had just finished finals. After stressing over classes for a week, I wanted to sleep for days, but Megan dragged me out of the house to celebrate. A friend of ours had a membership with Slate and managed to get us inside. We had been to the club once before and we liked the atmosphere.
We danced, we laughed, we drank, and even met a couple of guys who were charming. Or, we thought they were. It wasn’t until I left Megan on the dance floor to grab a drink that the guy who had attached himself to me handed me a glass. Before I could take the first sip, the drink was ripped from my hands and the guy flew backward. He landed on his ass with blood gushing from his broken nose. Seconds later, he was hauled up by the back of his shirt by another man with huge, beefy arms, and he and his friend were tossed out of Slate.
Dazed and stunned by what had happened, I turned to the man who caused the ruckus, prepared to give him hell. I’ll never forget that moment. He wore black slacks and a black button-up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His dark hair, long enough on top to run your fingers through, was a bit messy. His face was shaved, but a hint of stubble was starting to form. It was his eyes that left me speechless. Even in the dim light of the club, they held me captive. They were a beautiful green that reminded me of fresh-mown grass.
“Don’t ever take a drink from someone you aren’t well acquainted with.”
It took me a moment to process his words and recognize his anger. I had to blink the haze of his good looks away before I could respond.
“Excuse me?”
