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Cat reaches out and brushes hair from Everly’s cheeks. “No, she didn’t.” She taps the end of River’s nose and he giggles. “But you know what? Everything ended up the way it was supposed to.”
I know how difficult it is for Cat to say those words, and for her to actually believe them. Eli and Ryder were prematurely taken from us. They should have both lived long and happy lives. We should have been given a chance to watch them grow and start their own families.
But sometimes things happen for a reason. While I would love to have our lost children with us, if we did, we may not have Everly and River. How do you choose one child over another? Jimmy tried forcing that decision on Cat. She wasn’t able to choose, just as I wouldn’t have been able to, because no good parent could.
“Eli’s not sad though,” Cat continues. “Because right now, she’s up in Heaven with her baby brother, still looking after him. And you know what else?” she asks, lowering her voice and bending closer to our children. “She’s looking down on her little sister and her other baby brother.”
River and Everly look up at the ceiling with grins on their faces, loving that idea.
This is what we do every night. Through hundreds of different stories, Everly and River know all about their older brother and sister.
“Alright, time for bed, you two,” Cat says, getting to her feet.
Before she can coax River from Everly’s bed and into his, I walk across the room and scoop up our son. His slender arms go around my shoulders and his face sinks into my neck. I press my face into his thick black hair and inhale.
“Goodnight, Daddy,” he mumbles sleepily.
I kiss his cheek before laying him down. “Goodnight, buddy.” I pull the covers over him. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
As part of our routine, I move from River’s bed to Everly’s while Cat goes to our son. Putting my fists on the pillow on either side of Everly, I drop down and press my lips against her cheek. My eyes slide closed when her arms wrap around my neck and she squeezes me tight.
“Love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too, princess. Goodnight.”
“G’night,” she replies, her eyes already drifting closed.
The lamp is turned off and Cat and I back out of the room, but we stay in the doorway for several long moments. I wrap my arms around her waist and she lets her weight fall back against me. I drop my chin to her shoulder and we stand there, simply watching our beautiful family as they drift off to sleep.
