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“Jesus fucking Christ,” I think I hear whispered right before strong hands grab mine and try to pry them away from my ears.
I fight against the hold. I need to keep them where they are to help muffle the cries.
“No!” I yell when the hands continue to pull mine away.
“Cat!” A voice booms and it sounds familiar. “Tell me what the fuck happened!”
I open my eyes and my vision is filled with a pair of green ones. Hunter squats in front of me with his knees on either side of my feet, only inches from my face. A worried look fills his face. No, not worry. He looks terrified.
I curl my fingers around the top of my ears and a whimper crawls out of my throat. “I can’t make them stop,” I say, my voice hoarse from yelling. “Make the screams stop, Hunter. Please,” I beg.
“I will, baby. I will,” he answers in a gruff voice. His fingers gently uncurl my fingers from my ears. “Let go,” he says softly.
I do, but only because I know Hunter will help me. He knows what to do. He’ll make the screaming stop. He’ll make the memories go away again.
The tips of my nails are bloody when I look down at them, and I feel a faint sting behind my ears. Although the sounds are still there, they’re quieter, as if the people making them are further away. Hunter stands up and bends down to pick me up under my shoulders and knees. I bury my face in his neck, breathing in his scent.
“I don’t ever want to remember,” I cry.
“I know you don’t, baby,” he responds softly. “Shh… It’s okay. I’ll make them go away.”
I hate the way his voice sounds. Like he’s on the verge of losing his composure.
He carries me upstairs and places me on our bed. I tighten my hold around his neck, not ready to let him go yet. He lets me hold him for a moment before gently pulling my arms free. I curl on my side and press my lips together, trying and failing to hold my tears at bay. They still fall like a river from my eyes.
Sitting on the side of the bed, he pulls open the drawer of my nightstand. He takes out a bottle of pills and taps one in his hand.
“Take this,” he says, holding the pill out to me. “It’ll make the screams go away.”
The way I snatch the pill from his palm and nearly shove it down my throat makes me feel like a drug addict. He hands me a bottle of water, and I greedily take a sip to wash the pill down.
The drugs will make me sleepy. I don’t want to sleep right now, because I’m scared of my nightmares. I just want my mind clear of those awful cries, and I know the pills will help.
Once the pill is washed down, Hunter scoots me over so he can crawl into bed with me. I stay facing him, needing to be that much closer to him for as long as I can until sleep claims me.
His arms wrap around me, cocooning me in his safe embrace. I keep my arms in front of me and turn my face to press my cheek against his chest. His rapid heartbeat is soothing and helps drown out the lingering cries.
“I’ve got you, baby.” His voice rumbles in my ear as tears still slide from my eyes. “Sleep. Everything will be better when you wake up.”
I don’t know if what he says is true. I can only pray that the walls I’ve built in my mind will rebuild themselves.
Because I’m not sure I can survive the alternative.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Hunter
My muscles tense as I draw Cat closer to me. My nerves are fucking shot to hell and back after finding her in the state she was in. Something happened, and it had to do with the box on the counter I briefly noticed when I rushed to her.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It’s been years since she was this distraught. She left fucking bloody crescent marks behind her ears. She didn’t have to tell me that her memories had a hold of her. I could see the demons in her eyes as she stared at me, silently begging me to make them go away. She was reliving her worst nightmare. Not only reliving it, but it was like she was right there in those fucking moments.
As much as it hurts that she doesn’t acknowledge or remember our children, it hurts even more when she does, since I know how much it tortures her. Before her mind started protecting her, Cat had to be admitted twice to the hospital when the memories became too much for her to handle. The first time was two weeks, and the last time was ten days. One day during the second time, she woke up and seemed to have forgotten about that night and our children.
Making sure Cat is in a deep sleep, I carefully loosen my arms and slowly get up from the bed. The medicine will keep her in a dreamless sleep for hours, so I don’t have to worry about her waking up while I’m not here. While she sleeps, her mind will repair its walls, and she’ll wake up with the memories safely tucked away so they can’t harm her anymore.
Standing beside the bed, I gaze at my beautiful wife. Her eyebrows are pinched together and her cheeks are splotchy red. Her hair is tangled from her gripping it earlier.
Unfolding the small throw blanket at the end of the bed, I pull it over Cat and tuck it around her shoulders. After brushing a lock of hair from her cheek, I lean over and kiss the spot. “I love you, baby,” I whisper.
