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ADAM
TWENTY-NINE YEARS AGO
I’ve never felt sosick to my stomach. Fear and worry turn my blood to ice as I open the back seat of my car and stare at the boy sitting in the car seat that I hope I installed properly in my haste to get home.
His blue blanket is tucked over him as he sleeps with his neck craned at a horrifying angle. Every curse word known to man tumbles through my subconscious. I don’t know a goddamn thing about children, let alone toddlers.
Is he hungry? Probably not because he’s sleeping. Do they wake up when they’re hungry, though, or do I just have to feed him in the morning? Does he sleep all night, or should I stay up and watch him? Fuck. Where does he even sleep tonight? I don’t have a crib. The only bed in my place is mine.
Rolling my lips, I reach into the car and slowly lower the blanket enough I can unbuckle the car seat straps. He looks so small . . . so breakable that I hardly apply any pressure to his chest as I undo the clips and, with my heart in my throat, start to pull his arms out of the straps.
A soft noise falls from his tiny pink mouth, and his long lashes flutter for the briefest second. My chest grows tight. He’s so precious. And he’s mine. My son, Cooper. His pajamas have Monsters Inc. characters on them, making him look that much cuter. I take in a steadying breath and focus. It’s the last one I take until he’s settled in my arms.
I abandon the diaper bag Beth gave me where it sits on the front seat and start up the sidewalk to the house. It’s a warm, quiet night, at least. No nosey neighbours or curious passersby to stare at us.
Cooper appears to be a heavy sleeper because he doesn’t fuss even as I accidentally let the front door slam shut behind me. I don’t bother with the lights and head straight for my bedroom. It’s late, and he needs a bed.
“Time for bed, bud,” I whisper and stretch one arm to the covers, pulling them back. Tossing the pillows to the floor, I carefully set him in the bed and cover him to his armpits with the blanket.
He looks far too small for this big bed, and fear sparks at the thought of him rolling off in the night. With that image in my mind, I slowly shift him toward the centre of the mattress and stack the extra pillows along the edge of the bed. It looks like a terrible solution, but I try and calm myself with the reminder that I’m going to watch him all night.
Tomorrow, I’ll get him a proper bed.
God, he’s going to be so terrified waking up in such a new place with someone he’s never seen before. Probably as terrified as I am right now. I never thought I would be a dad yet, let alone to a son I never knew existed. But it’s the weirdest thing because I don’t have a doubt in my mind that he’s mine. I recognize him down to my core. This is my son, and while I don’t have a fucking clue what to do, I’m positive that I’ll do right by him. I’ll do everything I can to give him the best life.
My fingers shake as I brush messy brown curls from his forehead and stare down at him with a feeling I don’t recognize. Something beyond love and care. Something both healing and terrifying.
I press a kiss to his forehead and whisper, “It’s you and me now, Coop. I’m your dad, and I swear to be the best one there ever was.”
* * *
AVA, PRESENT
“What are you thinking about right now? You just got the pouty puppy look,” Ava says from across the coffee shop.
We’re at Starbucks for our weekly gossip session, as Scarlett and Oakley call it. I think they’re just jealous we never invite them, but that’s neither here nor there.
“I don’t have a pouty puppy look.”
She pulls a piece of her muffin apart and tilts her head at me. “Yes, you do.”
“I brood. I don’t pout.”
“Don’t argue with me. Out with it. What’s up?”
“Do you remember when I brought Cooper to your house the first time?” I ask, tapping the side of my mug of lemon tea.
“Um, yes. It’s hard to forget a shock like that.”
“You’ve never told me what you thought that day. Did you think I could do it? Raise him on my own?”
She frowns, sitting forward in her chair. “Is that a real question? Because I’ve never doubted you. Not once. You took your boy in without a second thought and did everything in your power to give him a damn good life. He was raised with more love in his life than both you and I ever had. Bounds more of it. What has you thinking about the past?”
“Thanks, Ava. I think it’s just the reality of his relationship with Adalyn. He might be thirty, but that’s my boy. It’s weird to see him so grown up. I guess I just want to make sure he’s going into this new chapter of his life knowing what it takes to be a good husband and father. I want to have left that example for him.”
Her smile is soft, understanding. “You did leave that example for him. There’s no way either Oakley or I would have given him our blessing to marry our daughter for real this time had we not known how amazing of a man he has grown up to be.”
“He asked you already?” Pride sparks to life inside me.
