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“Like what?” she murmurs, staring at my fingers rubbing over hers.
“How you still call me Knight…” I trail off, clutching her hand. “Thanks for giving me a chance again, River Blue. I know I have a lot to make up for, and one dinner isn’t going to cut it. I just—” I suck in a breath when she squeezes my fingers in understanding.
“But you’re trying,” she says, nodding. “It won’t be easy. You know? You were the world’s biggest brat a few weeks ago.”
I cringe. “Sorry. God. That was the fucking anger talking. I’ve bottled it up for so damn long and put it into my music that I… I went off the rails. I’m sorry I ruined our first meeting. But I’m more sorry that I walked away in the first place. I should have known Asher was full of shit.” I shake my head, running my free hand down my face. “I was the biggest, most gullible dumbass ever, River Blue. Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?” My eyes fall to the table when she squeezes my hand again.
“Maybe. But first, you have to show me what’s under the lid. It smells familiar…and delicious,” she murmurs, pulling me from the morbid thoughts of no forgiveness overtaking me.
I was wracking my brain for days on how I could show my River Blue how much I cherished her, especially within the confines of this house. I couldn’t take her out without risking her safety. And I’d never fucking do that.
Then it hit me as I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. The moment I fell in love with her the second time. Our neighborhood barbecue. The time we forced her to come with us and endure our families, all in the name of unity.
It was the way she didn’t give a fuck half the people there were looking at her like she had grown a second head. She ate, laughed, and was fucking merry, surrounded by us. That moment in our history will forever live in the back of my mind as the moment River Blue became the one. With everything that’s happened in the past few days, I wanted to give her the comfort of something she loved. I wanted to relive that moment with her. Just the two of us.
“Right,” I say with a shuddering breath. “Right. It’s, um… Well. You remember the cookout.”
“I do,” she confirms, watching me with big eyes. Reaching over, I peel off the aluminum lid and reveal the goodies I ordered just for her. Or, well—Jordy ordered and delivered them thirty minutes ago, so it was still nice and hot.
“I remember you liked the barbecue we had. The ribs, especially. They had it catered from a small restaurant in town. And I thought maybe we could enjoy them again. Together.”
Her fucking eyes light up when the ribs and chicken wings appear with steam rolling off them and dancing in the air. Immediately the smell of sweet barbecue hits my senses and my damn stomach gurgles. But I’m more focused on her reaction to care about my body right now.
Her tongue pokes out, licking her lips. “Dear God, Kieran,” she murmurs, reaching in and taking a gigantic bite of ribs. “They’re even better than I fucking remember. Oh. My. God,” she hums, closing her eyes. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. You know, this is what I craved when I was pregnant with Ly. All she wanted was ribs, mashed potatoes, and some thick chicken and noodles. I went by Loretta’s and got it a few times. But fuck—” she trails off, finishing the piece of meat and setting the bone down on her plate.
“Was it an easy pregnancy?” I breathe. Pain envelops my heart at the thought of pregnant River being all alone without me—us.
Who took care of her? Who helped her get to the doctor… Shit! She had no fucking car to get back and forth. How in the hell did she manage before her brothers found her and brought her to California? Guilt eats away at me more, chewing on my insides and swirling them. I wasn’t there to protect her from anything. After everything that happened in the alleyway when she was attacked by that fucking dickbag Bradley. And now this with her stalker.
I’m here now. That’s what matters. I’ll protect her and Lyric to the ends of the world.
She shrugs. “It was. Everything went great. She was huge, though. Nine friggin pounds and some change. It took me so many hours to push her out,” she whispers, tilting her head to the side. “But she was the happiest baby I ever met and came right at the end of September.”
September? Hell, that’s this month. “When is her birthday?” I ask, swallowing hard as another exciting scheme forms in my mind. Only this time, I’ll bring the guys in on my plans and not leave them out.
“September 29th,” she says, ripping into another piece of meat.
Duly fucking noted. I won’t miss another birthday. I’ve missed four already, and we’ll make sure turning five is epic.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hold your hand or cut the cord. Or do any of the things I would have done if I had known, River Blue.” I shake my head as the shame of my actions consumes me once again. It pulls me deep into the raging waters of guilt, swallowing me whole. I’m drowning in the shame of what I did. I won’t resurface until I’ve made every ounce of my wrongdoings up to her. “What Gloria did…is unforgivable. When we return to East Point, I will speak with her.”
River drops the next piece of bone on her plate, not stopping when she shoves more meat into her mouth. God, why is she so fucking hot when she eats and gets barbecue all over her lips and cheeks? I’m memorized when she tears into more meat, humming.
“Don’t let her near me,” River says, wrinkling her nose. “I have some not so fucking nice words for her. In fact, she and I have a lot of shit to discuss. Do you think she’d screech if I put my fist through her nose?”
Yeah, she’d scream a lot. Probably call the cops, too. But it’d be so fucking worth seeing her fall on her ass, getting what she deserved.
“That can be arranged. Do you want to tell her off? I’ll let you come with me when I do the same. There’s no excuse for what the bitch did and took away from me.” I blow out a breath.
After learning everything Asher did to get us to abandon River, I have no doubts Gloria planted the seeds. Her role in the entire plot was way too evident after I sat down and stewed on the information. My mother may act like a stuck-up suburban mom, but she’s no dummy. Not at all. She’s the key to this entire situation. If it wasn’t for her meddling and dangling money in front of Asher’s desperate face, this wouldn’t have happened. She’s the reason we left River. She’s the devil in disguise, using people however she wants. And that person she molded like clay was Asher. She took his desperation and used it against him. Fuck. It’s her goddamn fault. I shake my head at myself. I’ve been so blinded by my rage toward Asher, that I didn’t stop to think about the situation as a whole.
But that stops now.
My next move is removing Gloria from the cushy apartment she’s been gifted by Asher and me. She doesn’t deserve to have a nice place to stay when she took my fucking kid from me before I even had a chance to know her.
And then, I’m going to look Asher in the eyes and forgive him.
“Deal,” she says, biting into a chicken wing and groaning. “Seriously, Knight. This is the best thing ever. I swear I’ve died, gone to heaven, and now I have an endless supply of delicious barbecue to hold me over. This is better than sex.”
