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Minutes turn into hours, and the longer I wait, the worse it gets.
A part of me wants to go and shake her awake so I can get this over with, rip it off like a Band-Aid. The other part is screaming at me to continue being the selfish bastard I am and wait it out; to cherish the last few moments I have with her.
When Bri finally stirs, I curse myself for what I’m about to do and seek out every last bit of courage I can find within myself.
Don’t fucking back out, you goddamn pussy.
Why can’t I just continue being a selfish prick? I’m so fucking happy with her. She’d forever resent me for not popping the question or knocking her up, but at least I’d be happy. I’ve known this was coming for a while, but seeing her face last night and realizing just how badly she wanted it made me realize how fucking selfish I’ve been. There was a part of me that hoped she would be content with just me, and I’m not going to lie, it fucking hurts that she’s not, but I can’t be the person to hold her back from what she truly wants. The idea of this incredible woman resenting me makes me want to hurl.
Bri reaches up and pushes her hair off her face before rubbing her eyes and groaning, not ready to wake up, and I savor the sound, not sure if I’ll ever get the chance to hear it again. She stretches out across the bed, clearly searching for me, and when she realizes I’m not there, her head pops up and she squints across the bed.
She sits up and looks around the room. There’s no doubt her mind has already gone to the worst scenario after the way I turned her down last night. “I’m here,” I murmur into the quiet room, not wanting her to panic.
Her head flicks around at the sound of my voice, and I take her in. If today were any other day, I’d be laughing at the way her mascara has smudged beneath her eyes during the night. Instead, all I can think about is how much worse it’s going to get when her tears fall.
My chest aches, and it’s impossible to suck in a deep breath, but I deserve the agony and heartache that’s about to come.
Bri watches me from the bed, and a curious expression crosses her beautiful face. “What are you doing over there?” she yawns as she sits up in bed and lets the sheet fall around her waist, exposing her perfect tits. And with the morning sun streaming through the window, dancing across her skin and the white sheets, fuck. She’s never looked so goddamn beautiful.
I force my gaze to remain on her eyes, knowing just how detrimental one glance at her body could be right now. “Couldn’t sleep,” I reply with a subtle bounce of my shoulders as if trying to shrug it off as nothing.
“I noticed,” Bri murmurs, her tone sad as if already expecting the worst. Her gaze drops from mine, and it cuts me like a knife straight to the heart. She leans down beside the bed and scoops up the shirt I’d worn at the wedding last night.
She gets up and makes her way around the bed, showing off her petite body draped in nothing but my shirt, making what I have to do that much harder. She sits at the end of the bed facing me, and I swear it’s as if she can read my mind, or at the very least, sense something isn’t right.
There hasn’t been one single morning in the two years we’ve been together where she’s woken up and not touched me, and seeing her here, so close and yet keeping her hands so calmly in her lap is killing me. It’s wrong. So fucking wrong. It feels as though I’m missing the most important part of my morning. I need to reach out and touch her, but the second I do, I won’t have the strength to break her heart.
“Do you know how Elle is doing? Is she alright?” she questions formally, as if she’s trying to prolong whatever fears are circling in her mind, the fears I’m about to make reality.
“Yeah,” I murmur, finding it difficult to meet her gorgeous green eyes. “I spoke with Logan not long ago. She’s fine. Apart from a few cuts and bruises, she came out unscathed. She’s a fighter. She’s going to do whatever it takes to put that asshole away.”
“That’s good,” she murmurs, also unable to look up and meet my stare, telling me she already knows where this is going. Just that thought alone has my heart sinking and makes me want to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness.
