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The second she left. I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, one I will never be able to make up for. She knows my true colors now, and even if I begged for forgiveness, she’d never come back to me, nor should she. I know I did the right thing. She needs this, but fuck, I hate it.
I pour another drink and throw it back.
Maybe I could try and mend things with her on a friendship level. It would be a long shot, but at least I could have her in my life. I could watch her grow and heal from the hell I’ve put her through, watch her date a string of men, not a single one of them being good enough for her. But one day, one of those assholes will get down on one knee and give her everything I couldn’t, and soon enough, she’ll be pregnant and glowing.
Fuck, standing on the sidelines watching that would be torture, but also so rewarding. Bri will be such a fucking gorgeous bride, but pregnant? Shit, she’ll be breathtaking. I can just imagine it now, but it would be another man’s child within her womb. Never mine.
I pour another.
Watching her leave was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I stood at my bedroom window in my parents’ estate and watched as Bobby helped her up into his truck, tears streaming down her face. I wanted to scream out to her, tell her it was a sick joke just so I could hold her in my arms just one more time, but then Bobby drove away, and I was left feeling hollow.
How the hell am I going to get through this? She’s my rock, my fucking world, and I’ve torn her to pieces.
I’m a monster.
The bottle of whiskey is just about empty, and I bypass the glass, lifting the bottle right to my lips and finishing the last few drops. The bottle clatters to the ground as my head falls into my hands, the anguish of what I’ve done eating me alive.
I promised that I would never hurt her.
Fuck, I hate myself.
A text lights up my phone screen, and the moment I see the picture of Bri and me that she set as my wallpaper last year, anger explodes through my body. Reaching for the empty glass tumbler beside me, I launch it across the room, an agonized roar breaking from deep within my chest.
The glass smashes against the wall, shattering into a million pieces, and before I know it, I’m tearing the room to shreds, desperate to find just a sliver of peace.
Sorrow and grief grasp onto me in a devastating chokehold, and I pull the room apart until my breath comes in sharp pants. I collapse onto the bed, the very same bed I shared with her, and stare up at the ceiling.
Night has come, and the thought of sleeping alone in our bed kills me. Before Bri, I had never spent the night with a woman. It was always get in and get out. I had no attachments, but then she came along and changed it all.
I’ll never be the fucking same.
Brianna came in like a damn tornado. She turned my world upside down, and I am absolutely nothing without her.
Chapter 7
BRIANNA
5 Months Later
My students pack away their art supplies at the end of the day, and the room is suddenly in chaos, each one of them desperate to finish what they’re doing before the bell sounds. I can’t help but laugh as I watch them. It’s the same every day, each one of them busting to get out of class and make the most of their afternoon.
It’s been five months since Cassie and Jax’s wedding, five long months since I last saw his face, and every day without him has destroyed me. It’s simple, Carter Waters is the love of my life, and I need him more than ever, no matter how hard I try not to. He was my light for so long, and without him, I’ve been scrambling through the dark, never quite able to come up for air.
At first, I thought I would die from the pain, but Bobby promised me that it would get easier with time, and God, I hoped it would. But it never did. So now I live life day by day, barely getting by, so undeniably broken while trying to put on a smile for the people around me. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
It’s clear to anyone who knows me that I’m dead inside.
The past few months I’ve lived on autopilot. I somehow manage to get out of bed, get ready for work, and drive to the school. I sit through six hours of listening to my first graders before finally packing up and heading home, only to sit in my new apartment alone.
