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“I umm . . . I actually have no idea,” I tell him. “I’m excited and freaked out at the same time, plus there’s the whole telling Carter thing.”
“What’s freaking you out so much?” he questions as he finishes his lunch and starts packing up his kitchen. “You’ve got this. We already know that you’re going to be an amazing mom. You’re like the baby whisperer.”
A soft smile settles across my lips at his comments. “I’m scared I’m going to be doing it all alone,” I tell him honestly. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that Carter doesn’t want kids and isn’t going to be in the picture. But now that I’m going to have a child, I don’t want him to go without a daddy.”
Bobby fixes me with a pointed stare, his brow arching in question. “Him?”
I shrug my shoulders, the idea of having a boy making my smile widen. “It’s just a feeling,” I tell him. “Ever since Carter and I first got together, I would picture our future. Our kids, our home, everything. And when I saw our kids, it was always boys—miniature Carters.”
A sad smile settles across his lips, and he moves around the island counter and pulls me into his arms. Don’t be upset, Bri. I know you’re still hurting, but this is what you’ve always wanted, whether it’s Carter’s baby or anyone else’s. And don’t act like this baby is ever going to go without. He’s got you and he’s got me. I’ll be there so much you’ll never feel alone, and if you don’t think you’re coping, I can move you to New York to be here, or I can somehow see if the Colorado Thunder wants me. Though, I’m not gonna lie, playing with Jax again would be good.”
“Thanks,” I smile, “but there’s no way in hell I’m about to let you do all of that. I’m going to be okay. Besides, I can’t leave my students or Cassie. They’re the only things that keep me sane. Not to mention, Mom and Dad would kill me if I even considered moving their first grandbaby away.”
“Shit. Mom and Dad! What are you going to tell them?” Bobby rushes out in a panic. “They’re going to send you to bible camp again.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I say as the worst memories of my childhood come crashing back. “Just promise me you won’t say anything. I want to be the one to tell them.”
“And when is that going to be?” he challenges, knowing me too damn well.
I shrug my shoulders, averting my gaze. “When the baby is starting college.”
“Bri,” he groans. “They’re bound to notice when your baby bump is knocking all the plates off the table at Christmas dinner.”
“Shut up,” I groan, realizing just how many things I haven’t considered yet.
By the time night comes, I find myself curling up in Bobby’s spare bed. I have so many thoughts rushing through my mind, but the only thing I’m certain of is that I’m going to have a baby, with or without Carter.
I start making a mental list of all things I’m going to have to do, like searching for the best baby doctor in Denver. But more importantly, I need to keep taking care of myself, keeping my body healthy, strong, and happy, which includes actually getting some sleep.
And with that, I pull the blanket right up to my chin as my hand rests against my belly, more than ready for the incredible adventure to come.
Chapter 18
CARTER
It’s been six weeks since I last saw her, and I can’t fucking take it. Cassie has been giving me updates, but I can tell she’s only giving me the bare minimum, but from what I can tell, Bri is doing really well. And honestly, this might make me the most selfish bastard out there, but I fucking hate it.
For the past six months, all I’ve wanted was for Bri to stop hurting and move on, despite how desperately I wanted to hold onto her. But now that she is . . . fuck. It’s killing me.
Does that mean she doesn’t love me anymore? Is she forgetting about me? The idea of not owning her whole fucking heart is the most devastating thought to ever enter my head. Not being her man, the one she trusts, the one she comes home to and holds through the night. I fucking hate it, but it’s on my shoulders. I pushed her away, I forced her to go. Hell, all this time I’ve been saying she should try to move on to get her happily ever after, but it’s not as though I’ve taken my own advice. I’ve been holding on so tight that I don’t think it’s even possible to let go now.
Cassie says Bri has been doing yoga and taking cooking classes, which sounds great, but I need something more, some kind of sign that she’s still mine. I knew it would hurt when she finally moved on, but I’m not ready for it to happen just yet.
