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His words hit me hard, every last one of them searing me right through the chest and leaving a stain on my soul. I sit in silence, the heaviness weighing me down. Could he be right that I’m throwing away a chance to have a happy, complete life with the woman I love because I’m scared? I’ve never thought of it that way, but maybe he’s right.
The thought of committing to a marriage scares the shit out of me. Before Bri, I’d never even had a long-term relationship. My life was about fucking around and getting laid. How do I know I won’t revert back to my old ways and destroy it? The thought of doing that to Bri, especially if we had kids, is just too much. Shit, I wouldn’t even know the first thing about being a father. It’s best to just avoid that ship altogether. I’m not like Sean or Logan. I don’t have that natural instinct with kids.
“If I go down that road, I’m just going to end up hurting her,” I tell Sean.
“Yeah, well it’s a little too late for that,” he scoffs, managing to make me feel like an absolute dick again.
I let out a breath. “I need some air,” I say, getting up and making my way down the grandstand. As I walk around the arena, I glance back up at my family and see Bri looking down at me with that gorgeous baby in her arms. And just like that, I see the future I so willingly gave away.
It’s like taking a bullet straight to the fucking chest.
Agony tears through me as I realize just how right Sean is. I’ve pushed Bri away. I’ve caused her all this pain because I’m scared. I’ve put tears on her face, shattered her heart, and left her questioning her whole future, all because of my own insecurities and fear. And now, it’s too fucking late.
The knowledge of what I‘ve done and the unnecessary hurt I’ve caused us both is too much to bear. She’s moved on and is finally in a good place. She’s happy in her new life without me, trying to figure out her next steps and learn what her new version of happiness includes.
I’ve destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me because I’m a fucking pussy, terrified of commitment.
Not being able to even face her, I walk straight out of the arena and get in my truck, feeling like an absolute prick for doing this to Logan and Jax, but I can’t be here right now. I can’t even begin to face what I’ve done. So with the images of Bri holding Georgia seared into my mind, I get the fuck out of here.
Chapter 19
BRIANNA
I did it. I saw him and didn’t freak out. I was strong. I mean, I was definitely dying on the inside. All I wanted was to turn around and throw myself into his warm arms just to feel his skin on mine, but the important thing is that I didn’t.
I kept it together and honestly, I think it’s this tiny little baby inside me that gave me the strength to do it. Everything I do from now on is for my child, and I need to make sure I do what’s best for his future . . . or hers.
Something was going on with him though. He was too quiet, barely even cheering for Logan and Jax, and that’s very unlike him. Hockey isn’t exactly his favorite sport, but he always makes sure to support his family. I don’t think Carter even said a single word the whole time he was there, and then he got up and left, leaving me desperate for answers. I managed to push the feeling away, it’s none of my business what’s going on in his life anymore. Besides, if it was something ridiculously crazy, he knows he can come to me . . . Well, at least, I think he knows that.
I’ll always be there for him. After all, this baby is going to keep us connected for the rest of our lives.
Walking up the stairs of the grandstand and having to pretend like everything was okay was the hardest part. I nearly lost it. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but somehow, I managed to reel them in. I was so nervous. Carter has always been so in tune with me, and I was certain with just one look, he would know my secret, but perhaps our time apart has dulled his senses because I don’t think he suspected a thing.
What’s the point in hiding it though? He’s going to find out sooner or later, and I have all intentions of telling him, I just don’t know how. I can’t keep this from Cassie for much longer, and the second she figures it out, it’s game over. Hell, she’s going to be so angry with me when she realizes I’ve known this for two weeks now.
