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“You wouldn’t be saying that if you saw the way these little monsters have me throwing up my lunch every afternoon. There’s nothing radiant about that.”
A breathy chuckle escapes him before the seriousness becomes so heavy in the room, it has me ready to run for the fucking hills. “Brianna,” he murmurs, his tone having me pull back an inch to see his eyes. “I fucked up. The night of Logan’s championship game, I realized I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, seeing you sitting up in the grandstand with my family, holding little Georgia. I knew I’d given up my whole fucking future, but seeing you today, seeing the way you were glowing with my babies in your womb . . . fuck, Bri. I don’t ever want to let you go.”
I shake my head, needing to step out of his arms, confusion gripping me and pulling me down into the dark abyss below. “Don’t,” I tell him, the tears so heavy in my eyes. “Don’t bullshit me like that. You can’t come in here and promise me the world when I know you can’t give it to me. You’re drunk, Carter. You’ve been drinking, and suddenly you think you want all these things you’ve sworn to me you’d never want, but come morning when that wicked hangover sets in, you’re gonna pull the rug out from under me and destroy me all over again. You’ve already broken me, and I somehow clawed my way back, but I won’t let you do it again. I’m having these babies on my own. I’ve already come to terms with it. I don’t need anything from you, so don’t feel like you need to come in here like some kind of hero that’s going to save the day. You can be as involved in their lives as you want. I wouldn’t dream of trying to hinder that, but when you broke me, you ensured we could never be a family.”
“You can’t do this on your own,” he says.
“I can. Women all over the world do it every day.”
“You’re not hearing me, Bri,” he says, starting to creep in again. “I want to do this with you. I want to wake up every fucking morning with you in my arms. I want to raise these babies with you. I want the memories and good times. I want it all.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whisper, hating how the words feel on my tongue, “and I don’t want your help. You left me. You ruined a perfectly good thing because of this very reason, and I’m supposed to just believe that you want to be a part of it now?”
“Yes,” he says. “I fucked up. Big time. But you know me, Bri. You know me better than anyone in this world, and you know that I wouldn’t just come to you like this without thinking it through.”
I shake my head, the tears rolling down my cheeks. “You need to leave, Carter. I . . . I can’t do this,” I tell him, needing a moment to take it all in and wrap my head around everything he’s trying to say. The words are so perfect, it’s what I dream about every night, but how the hell am I supposed to believe them? He’s just overwhelmed by the emotions of learning he’s going to be a father, and his strong sense of morality has kicked in, telling him he needs to do the right thing by the mother of his children.
He doesn’t truly want this. I know he doesn’t.
Carter fixes me with a hard stare, letting me see the determination in his dark eyes. “I’m not walking about from this. I want to make this work. I want to be here and be their father.”
I let out a sigh. “Look, Carter. Like I said, I’m more than happy for you to be in these babies’ lives. I want you to be in their lives. They need to grow up knowing who their daddy is, but they’re not born yet, and I can’t handle this,” I say, indicating the space between us. “You and I are not a thing anymore, and you made damn sure of that. So, until they’re born, you don’t need to be here. I’ll let you know when I have doctor’s appointments and you’re more than welcome to attend them with me, but you need to respect my space. These babies are yours, but I’m not.”
“Please, Brianna. You know we belong together, you, me, and these babies. We’re a family. The second I saw that ultrasound it all became clear to me, and I’ll do whatever it takes for you to see how badly I want this.”
“What?” I scoff. “You had an epiphany, did you? Eight months ago, you said you didn’t see marriage and babies in your future, and I’m supposed to suddenly believe that you want that now? You’re riding high on the emotions, Carter, and I appreciate you coming and saying what you needed to say, but all you’re doing is hurting me more.”
