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Parker said, “Can we talk about Marcus having a roommate now? I think it’s sweet and one of the most Marcus things he could do.” He gave me a supportive smile as if that comment had been doing me a favor.
“The most Marcus thing Marcus could do?” Corbin asked, but I spoke before Parker could reply.
“Nope. Don’t even think about it. I know you, Park. I can see the story writing itself in that spark of fantasy in your eyes. Fiction isn’t real life.”
“Well…I mean, for me and Dec it has been.”
“Should I go into the percentage of relationships that don’t work out? How many marriages end in divorce? And of the ones that don’t, I wonder what’s the actual percentage of happy people. Most of the time they stay together because it’s easy, comfortable, or for financial reasons.”
“Wow, talk about a downer,” Corbin chastised, and he had a point. I was such an asshole sometimes.
“Shit. Sorry. Not for you guys. I just… Why are we even talking about this?”
They were all quiet for a second. Nerves itched at the base of my neck, making me wonder how much I’d fucked up. I believed in Declan and Sebastian—and in Parker and Elliott. Me? I was married to my work, just like my parents…well, and to the three people in this room. Romance and attraction were mostly chemical reactions people decided to make last long-term, and in my brain, that just didn’t compute.
“Who thinks Marcus needs a hug?” Corbin asked, breaking the tension. There was an extra beat of silence before we all dissolved into laughter, and it was this right here, this moment, that I needed. While I was happy for Parker and Declan, it was the three people in this room I trusted, who would never let me down and would always make time for me and want to spend time with me. The other shit was just what society told us we should want. It was a lie they sold us that didn’t fit everyone’s life. That didn’t fit me.
When everyone settled down, I said, “Okay, let’s jump into some listener questions.”
I glanced at Corbin, who began scrolling on our tablet. “Oh, this is a good one. I’m not sure how qualified we are to answer…”
“Are we actually qualified for anything?” Dec asked.
“Good point, but this is a little different because none of us identify this way. I think it’s an important discussion, though, so I’ll ask and preface it by saying this isn’t own voices for us, so take our response with a grain of salt. We’re not experts. And please, if we get anything wrong, message us, and we’ll be sure to discuss it on the next show.” He cleared his throat. “How can I make people understand there’s a spectrum when it comes to asexuality? It’s not all or nothing. It’s signed ‘Searching for Answers.’” Corbin looked at the rest of us as if waiting for us to answer.
When no one spoke, I said, “I think this is similar to a lot of things in life, and there are a lot of shades of gray. Unfortunately, most people look at everything as black or white and ignore that gray areas exist. We don’t look at situations and consider nuance. Or we tend to think our experience is the only or right experience. So unfortunately, I’m not sure we can make people understand at all.”
“Not helping, Marcus,” Parker piped in.
“I wasn’t finished. You’re acting like Corbin with the interrupting.”
“Hey, what did I do?” Corb pouted.
I shook my head. “As I was saying, people have to want to listen and open their minds, and we can’t make others do that, but the truth is, there isn’t one way to be or do anything. I’m a Black man, and while there are similarities and certain things all Black men go through when it comes to society and things like that, all our stories aren’t the exact same. My story as a gay, Black man is different from someone else’s. There’s not one way or one experience, just like there’s not one way to be gay, female, Mexican, nonbinary, trans, and so on. The best you can do is know your truth, know who you are and that no one can tell you how to be you. No one can tell you it’s wrong.” Even when you looked at Kai and me, both of us being gay, Black men didn’t mean all our experiences were the same. Some? Of course. But no group was a monolith.
“That doesn’t mean they won’t tell you it’s wrong,” Declan added.
“Good point. You just have to ignore them.” Corbin nodded before Parker jumped in.
“And if you want to explain to people, you can. You shouldn’t have to make excuses for yourself, but if you’d like to share, you should. Just keep in mind that you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for how much they listen or understand. I have limited experience being married to a man who figures he’s likely demiromantic, but again all he can do is tell people it’s a spectrum and the rest is up to them.”
