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I force myself to take a deep breath, attempting to calm the storm inside, but I can’t stop myself from asking, “Who were these women? Can I have names?”
He shakes his head and I press my lips together.
“Fine,” I force out through clenched teeth. “I don’t need to know their names to know they’re catty gossips who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.”
He sighs. “That’s another thing they mentioned. That I touched your ass an embarrassing number of times.”
My jaw drops. “I think that’s for you and me to decide, not a bunch of jerks who clearly have no idea what they’re talking about.”
“They weren’t jerks,” he says. “They were upstanding members of the community. Well-liked people. People who come to us for care.”
“Well, they can go somewhere else if they don’t like the fact that we’re dating,” I shoot back, even as shame creeps into my chest on sharp, stinging little feet. I was so lost in the love glow; I hadn’t even noticed that Barrett was touching me inappropriately or imagined that anyone else might notice. “Besides, you would never emotionally betray me. That’s not the type of man you are.”
“I wouldn’t mean to,” he says. “But I didn’t mean to with Lane, either. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Just like I didn’t realize so many things about you or have any idea how you felt about me for so long. I’m oblivious, Wren, and it hurts the people who matter most. I can’t hurt you the way I hurt Lane. I just…can’t. I’d never forgive myself.”
I step closer. This time, he lets me, but just barely. I can feel how close he is to bolting and know I have to tread carefully. Barrett is so strong and steady, the man everyone in his family and the community can count on, but his faith in himself has been tested the past few months and it’s left him on unsteady ground.
“I’m not like Lane. I don’t suffer in silence. If you hurt me, I’d let you know about it,” I say softly. “That’s why I’m here. Because that text and being left alone at your ex-wife’s wedding really hurt.”
He winces. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” I say. “I want you to promise me you won’t do something like that again. The next time you overhear something that makes you doubt yourself, or us, I want you to come to me first. Then we can talk through things together before any rash decisions are made.”
“You deserve better,” he says, his voice rough and raw. “You deserve a man who knows how to get love right the first time, not an emotionally stunted oddball the community tolerates because he’s good at his job.”
“Great,” I correct. “You’re great at your job. And you know what else you’re great at? Loving me.” I blink faster, fighting the tears pressing at the backs of my eyes. “The past few weeks have been the best of my life, Barrett. I am so happy with you. All week, I’ve been walking on air. I was so excited about sharing a house with you, building a home with you, I could barely contain myself. The other nurses kept making fun of me for wandering around the breakroom humming and smiling to myself, but I didn’t care.”
His throat works as he swallows. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Drag you down to my level,” he says. “Your reputation will never recover. You’ll always be someone these women and people like them pity, and you don’t deserve that. You are worthy of respect and admiration. You’re brilliant and kind and beautiful and an incredible nurse and you’ll find someone so much better, Wren. Someone who’s your equal in every way, who you don’t have to coach through every step of being a fully functioning partner.”
Tears slip down my face, and the feeling that I’m losing him for good makes my stomach churn. “You don’t get to decide what I deserve. That’s my choice to make, and I choose you. I chose you when I was twelve, when you were the kindest teenage boy, I’d ever met. I chose you when I was twenty-four and had half a dozen other job offers, and I’m going to keep choosing you for the rest of my life. You are it for me, Barrett.” I sniff and swipe the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hands. “And I don’t mind helping you learn how to navigate things like this. I really don’t. All I care about is that you choose me, too. I just want to be your person, and I know I am. I feel it every time you touch me. Every time you look at me. We’re meant to be together. Can’t you see that?”
