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“What do you mean?” I finally asked. “I know I missed a few weeks, but those were extenuating circumstances. I still have over a month left to make up for lost time. I can make it work. I’ll study every waking hour. Please, just give me a chance.”
He exhaled, running his hand across his bearded chin. “It won’t make a difference, I’m afraid. You missed two project deadlines while you were away and your grades were already barely scraping by before you left. As it stands there’s no way for you to bring your grades up to a passing level before the end of term.”
What he said made me feel like there were a dozen bricks sinking to the bottom of my stomach. After my break-up with Peter, then discovering Carra was in a coma, I wasn’t sure how I could take another piece of bad news. Not only that, I’d failed my parents, let them down.
Lips quivering, I stood from the chair. “Okay, well, thanks for letting me know,” I said, doing my level best not to cry in front of my intimidating shapeshifter principal.
“Darya, you’re welcome to repeat next year,” he said but I was already halfway to the door.
“Sure, I’ll think about it.” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of there. I was halfway to my classroom when I realised there was no point in even going to class. I was flunking out. One of my worst fears had become reality. I wasn’t going to graduate.
But then, did it even matter? I’d glimpsed my future, and nothing I’d seen required me to graduate from St. Bastian’s. My aspirations to join the Guard had already faded, so what was the point? Despite telling myself this, I still couldn’t shake the feeling of failure, of being disappointed in myself. Was it simply because I was letting my parents down, or had some part of me wanted to graduate just to prove that I could?
I wandered aimlessly toward an exit. I left the school building and headed for the forest. I needed to walk and clear my head because it felt like too much was falling apart all at once and I didn’t have the strength to weather it all.
Everything quieted the further I went into the forest. The sounds of nature soothed my overworked brain and I sat on a rock trying the gather my thoughts. Just because I wasn’t going to graduate didn’t mean my life was over. There were so many other things in the world that I could do, the first of which was to rescue Vas and Sven.
Saving two lives was a selfless pursuit. Well, perhaps not so selfless since Vas’ mark constantly prodded at me to act, to reunite us. The desire to calm its frantic need to have him close was at least a little selfish. But truthfully, I craved his energy, too, the frenetic excitement that came with being around him, like anything could happen at any moment.
Another selfish aspect of rescuing Vas and Sven was that it would distract me from Peter. It was a mission that would require my constant focus, which would hopefully take my mind off the agony of being without him. I no longer had his calm, reassuring, protective presence in my life and that was a big loss.
I heard a bell ring, echoing from the school, signalling the end of class. Had I been wandering in the forest for the duration of one period or more? I’d been so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t been conscious of time passing. Gathering myself, I prepared to walk back to the school.
In the distance I saw students filtering between buildings as they headed for class. I almost envied them, the simplicity of their lives. They knew where they were headed, knew what they needed to do each day, whereas I was adrift.
The only path that seemed right was a treacherous one, and a part of me didn’t want to step foot in Oreylia. That part wanted to stay home in the loving arms of my family and take no risks. But without risk, what was the point in living? I needed to be strong, find my courage and do the thing that might make or break me, because the alternative meant never seeing Vas again and it wasn’t merely the mark that hated the idea of that…
7.
I’d just reached the school when I spotted Ren who was late for class. “Is everything okay?” he asked, clearly noticing something was off with me.
I didn’t answer his question, instead I asked, “Want to get out of here?”
He glanced around, then nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely.”
We headed to my car and I hit the gas, unable to get off school grounds fast enough. I’d always had a love hate relationship with my schooling but now that it had been snatched away bitterness consumed me. I drove toward the city, the tall, looming spruce trees of the Yellowbranch forest flashed in my peripheral vision as we zoomed by on the road.
