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She bows her head. “Why me, Clayton?”
“You’re still worried about the kids thing?” I invite her to sit on the couch. I hold her hands, which have turned even colder. “I want you because it’s you. I’ve been screwed over by so many women that, at one point, I just gave up on my dream of becoming a father. But with you, I can’t stop talking about it. I love kids. I want kids—but please tell me if you have something in your mind.”
Her lips quiver. “I… I can’t have any more children, Clayton. I can’t give you the family you want.”
I can’t hide my disappointment, but I don’t let go of her hands. Tears are brewing in her eyes, but she keeps her composure. The strain on her face—it’s more than pain. It’s like she’s giving up on everything.
“I don’t want to ruin you,” she mutters.
The revelation hurts, but I’m sure separating from her will hurt even more. I’ve got to accept what she’s told me. There are options. Perhaps she’ll be open to them, and I can still be a dad, but right now, she’s my only concern.
“I still want you,” I maintain. “And you’re not going to ruin me.”
She tries to free herself, but I don’t relent.
“Clayton… Raffi’s younger sister.” She gulps.
She had another baby?
I squeeze her fingers.
“I gave birth to her two months early. But the delivery was too rough for her. So she didn’t have a chance. She was stillborn. And my body didn’t have a chance either.”
That even makes me more determined. If anyone deserves my love and my life, it’ll be her.
“Baby, I love you. If I can’t have children with you, I’m okay with it. We’ve got Raffi. And Matty. It hasn’t changed anything.”
Unable to dam her unshed tears, she sobs. She hugs me, only to muffle her howl.
I’ve never been held like this by a woman. It’s like her agony is melting into me. It’s tearing her apart as viciously as it is me.
“Baby, tell me what’s going on.”
“Why do you have to be so goddamn perfect?’
“Isabelle?”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that you didn’t want to be with me because I couldn’t give you what you want?”
“Because that’s not what I want.”
“You were upfront about it. I should’ve told you right from the start.”
“I understand that you didn’t tell me then. There were so many other things that were on our minds.”
“I saw the way you looked at Rob and Amber. You want it so badly. Why? Why do you still want to be with me?”
“You and me—we’re more than just my wish.”
She grimaces in pain. Her lips swell from her cry. “Clayton… listen to me.”
Her hands tremble in my hold like she’s trying to contain a blast.
“Don sent me to get something from you.”
A lump shut my airway. “What?”
“I never betrayed you, Clayton. I haven’t given him anything.”
