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“I can’t believewe’re graduating in two weeks,” Mia mumbled between mouthfuls of pasta. “Did you decide on an apartment?” We were having a long-overdue roomie supper at the Italian restaurant down the street. They made the best rigatoni and a cheese dish with honey that dreams were made of.
I’d been stalking three apartments for the last few weeks, struggling to decide between them. “Going with the smaller but closer-to-work option. I wanted that soaker tub like I need my next breath, but the commute would’ve been forty minutes.” I lifted my hands in a “whatever” gesture.
Mia winked at me. “Think how fit you’ll be walking back and forth to work.”
“Uh-huh, I wasn’t worried about not being fit until this very moment.Thanksfor that.” She gave me a thumbs-up and continued to shovel spaghetti into her mouth.
“It’s surreal. It’s going to be over. You know?”
A sliver of pain started in my chest. “I’m going to miss you.”
Not only was I leaving Windsor, but Mia and I were separating. Me, to start my internship, and her, to go to medical school in Vancouver.
A loud group of girls entered the restaurant and interrupted my thoughts. Looking over my shoulder, I could see they were the girls who sat in front of Jax and me in class. The booth shook as they sat at the table behind ours. Mia was already peeking over, straining to hear what they were saying. They were loud, but I could only hear bits and pieces of their gossip.
Mia lowered her voice. “Something about a girl who’s pining over some hot guy at school.” She scrunched up her nose, not a fan of tearing someone down.
“Who does she think she is?” I couldn’t make out who was talking. They all sounded similar, but I wasn’t a fan of this one. “She can’t possibly believe he’s not going to ditch her at the end of the semester.” The girls laughed at her little bitchy joke.
“She can’t be that naïve, and those pictures!” The sound of judgment was practically rolling out of another girl’s mouth.
“Talk about cheap, climbing all over him in public like that.”
A bottomless pit formed in my stomach as what they said sunk in. A rational voice broke through the others. “I mean, obviously, she knows Jax is leaving for Boston. It wasn’t a secret.”
My breath hitched, and heat flooded my skin as dread slammed into my gut.Shit.
Distantly, I heard Mia calling my name. Her face was full of sympathy, which only made this worse. An overwhelming feeling of shame settled over me, and I took three slow breaths to calm my frantic heart.
Mia stood abruptly and walked behind me, looming over their table. Her face pinched, and she raised her chin to glare down at the group. They didn’t stand a chance. “How would you like to be talked about like that?”
The girls all looked at her, but she cut them off before they could reply. “You aren’t showing any sympathy or consideration for how your careless conversation could hurt others.”
The girls glanced in my direction and winced. “You’re better than this.” The disappointment in Mia’s tone had all the girls staring down at the table, only one speaking up.
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” Mia stormed back to our table, quickly paying the bill, and we were out of there. She didn’t bring it up, but she glanced toward me every few seconds, eyes roaming over me, checking for signs of a breakdown.
As soon as we got home, we collapsed on the couch and leaned against each other. Mia shuffled endlessly through Netflix, finally choosing a horror movie. Thank god, because I couldn’t stand a rom-com right now. She’d been texting back and forth with someone but monitored me as she did. Her brows furrowed in the middle, worry clear on her face. I breathed in deeply and reminded myself I’d known this was coming. I just didn’t expect to have it rubbed in my face in such a shit way.
Deep breath one…
Deep breath two…
Deep breath three…
As my heart squeezed, I looked at Mia. “I’m going to miss him.” It was the first time I’d admitted it out loud, and an ache throbbed in my chest. Mia looked at me, but I rested my head on her shoulder, watching a girl get hacked to bits on TV. There was nothing to say. I wasn’t a defeatist. I’d be fine after graduation. Yes, it would hurt, yes, I’d miss him, but I was moving to Ottawa and starting a new exciting internship. Jax would be preoccupied with his own excitement. I had to believe I’d be okay.
Sensing my unease, Mia asked, “Ice cream?”
I tried my hardest to keep my voice neutral. “I don’t think that’s going to cut it this time.” A heavy weight pushed down on me, and I got up, heading to my room after the movie.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Sidney.” Her voice was soft, filled with concern.Yeah, I hope so too.
I lay in my bed, and I couldn’t stop thinking that I wanted to hit pause to enjoy this time a little longer. I was hurtling toward the end of this chapter of my life, and I wanted a reread. I knew I’d be revisiting my favorite lines and moments for years to come.
Whatever was between Jax and me was deeper, truer. I could see it in his long stares when he thought I wasn’t looking, in the way he held me like he refused to let go. I knew because I felt it too. The magnetic pull that brought us together was now ripping us apart. Hearing we had less than two weeks until he left had me shutting down. Going into survival mode, I was building my walls back up and protecting myself from what I’d always known was coming. I knew that there was only one way it would end. I was an idiot for thinking that knowing what was happening would stop it from gutting me.
