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A frown pulled down my lips, and my nerves rolled in my stomach. I sucked a deep breath in, filling my lungs to calm the growing panic.
Deep breath… One.
Deep breath… Two.
Deep breath… Three.
Memories of waking up in the hospital to the news of my mother’s death snuck their way through my mind, and dread pulled at my edges. Pushing them away, I waited another fifteen minutes before calling him again. It had now been two and a half hours since he’d dropped me off, an hour later than planned.
This time, I couldn’t stop the panic from sinking its teeth into me. He should have been here. At the very least, he should’ve called back by now. I let out a frustrated growl at the feeling of hopelessness.
Okay, calm down.He was famous. If anything happened, it would be on the news. I quickly scrolled through all the major news sites, but there was nothing mentioning him. I opened up Twitter, searching for his hashtag, and my breath caught in my throat.
Photo after photo of Jax hanging out on a patio not even ten minutes ago, standing close to none other than Selena Patronne and two people I didn’t recognize. Pictures of him smiling, laughing, ones with him taking pictures with fans.
My fingers trembled, and I lost my grip on my phone as a hollow feeling of disappointment sank like a stone in my stomach, replacing the panic that burned through me seconds ago. I blinked rapidly, refusing to cry. It was my fault for believing that he would somehow be different. That I would be more important than whatever was happening in these photos that had him too distracted to even call and give me a heads-up. Looking around the park at all the smiling faces, the playing kids, the happy couples, anger sent ice creeping through my veins. I slowly rebuilt my walls, brick by brick, and waited for him to remember me.
THIRTY-TWO
JAX
I looked over at Sid,but she was still turned toward her window. Her entire body was twisted away from me.
I fucked up.
When I checked my phone at my agent’s office, I couldn’t believe how much time had passed. It felt like a few minutes, not over two hours. When I saw all her texts and missed calls, a sense of foreboding sat like a weight on me. I immediately called her, listened to it ring, trepidation filling me by the time she answered.“I’m so sorry, Sid. I’m going to be right there.” Silence filled the air until finally I heard her take a deep breath.
“Okay, see you soon.”
Sidney’s voice sounded wrong, too hard, too brittle. Nothing of the sassy tone she normally gave me. By the time I picked her up, I was a wreck. My hair stood on end from how many times I’d run my hand through it, but she just got into the truck, giving me a small smile. I asked about her interview, and she seemed genuinely excited about how it went. She was so understanding when I said I lost track of time. Too understanding.Fuck.
I tried to meet her gaze, but she kept her face turned to the window. She looked tired, and I drove faster to get back to my place. I was going to worship her tonight. Make her feel everything that I couldn’t figure out how to say.
When we pulled up to the house, she was the first out of the car, but she waited for me. Her eyes didn’t meet mine, and my breath constricted in my chest. She held out her hand, and I followed her to my room. Sid didn’t sit on the bed. Instead, she stood in front of me and leaned her head against my chest. She trembled in my arms, and I squeezed them tighter, trying to hold us together. “I’m right here, Sidney. Talk to me.”
I slid my hand over her cheek and gently tipped her face up.
“I’m…” Her breath caught. “I can’t… I can’t keep doing this.” She straightened her shoulders, pushing back, and a hard look crossed her face. “This is why we promised to end at the end of the semester.”
I stepped back from her. “First, I never promised a goddamn thing—especially not that. Second, we still have time. I’d think if you feel the way you say, you’d want to spend all the time we have left together. That’s certainly how I fucking feel.”
My chest felt like it was crumbling in on itself. My voice came out in a plea as I circled her arms lightly with my hands. “Tell me what you need. Tell me what I could do. I’ll do it, Sid. I’ll fucking do it.”
I knew this was real. She was just spooked. Everything about us was overwhelming but worth it.
She inhaled a deep breath, and I could faintly see her quietly counting. One, two, three before she stepped back. My hands hesitated, but they let her go.
She rubbed her palms over her face, pulling the hair out of her bun, and stared at me with tears in her eyes. Her voice was laced with a desperate kind of anger. “I’m such an idiot. I knew this would happen.” Her words broke on a sob.
“Sid, I’m sorry. I just lost track of time. It won’t happen again.”
She laughed, but there was nothing funny about it. “Jax, I knew this would happen, just like I knew it would happen again. I can’t do this.”
Panic froze the air in my lungs, and I struggled to breathe, my words coming out hoarse. “It won’t. I promise it won’t. I’m so freaking sorry for forgetting to pick you up, but I promise it won’t happen again.”
She sniffed, and for the briefest of moments, I thought she was going to say it was fine, that nothing had changed, but what she said next fucking broke me.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her lips trembled. “You broke number five. Shattered it into a million little pieces I’ll never be able to put back together.”
