AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It took a long time before I could speak again, voice coming out thick. “What if I quit? If I don’t go to Boston.”
A shudder rolled through her, as if my words physically pained her. “That’s not how love works. We need to let each other go before we take something special and ruin it.”
She was right, but she looked so sad, like everything she wanted was conflicting with each other. I sucked in a breath and said the words I didn’t want to but I knew she needed to hear. “It’s okay to make your own choice.”
She leaned into me, her fingers curling into my shirt. “Everyone’s going to think I’m an idiot. Hell, I think I’m ridiculous.”
“You are not ridiculous.” My voice came out harsher than I wanted. I tipped her head back so she could read the truth in my eyes. “You don’t want to do long distance. That’s an understandable life decision. You have your own dreams and a brilliant career ahead of you.” I held her face in my hands and tried to fill my voice with sincerity. “You’re made for amazing things. You will conquer the senate. They need to watch out because you are a force of your own. It’s not foolish to follow your dreams, and don’t let anyone tell you it is.”
My fingers stroked through her hair, and I watched it slip through my fingers. “You don’t think I’m ridiculous for moving to Boston?”
A laugh escaped out of her. “That’s because you’re going to be famous!” Anger flashed through her eyes. “Everyone wants to be you. Of course you should go after your dreams. You’d be an idiot to stay.”
I shook my head and said, “So I was right because of what? Money? Fame? They don’t make my choice any better than yours. We’ve always known we’re on diverging paths—I just didn’t want to admit it. I needed to pretend for a bit so I would know what it felt like to truly have you.”
I tugged hard on my hair until my scalp shouted in pain.Fuck, I wish I could stay. I wish I could keep you.
We sat for another half hour, and I let the feeling of her soak into my memory so I could bring it out and feel it against me when I was desperate. Sidney looked up into my eyes, but I was already staring down at her. She slid out of my arms and pushed herself up to stand.
“To dreams, then.” Her mouth wobbled slightly on the words, but she held herself together. All I could do was nod at her in return. I didn’t dare try to speak. I moved out of the way of her door and watched long after she drove off.
As I collapsed on my bed, a familiar pain filled me. After Marcus died, I didn’t think anyone else could make me feel this way. My phone pinged, but I silenced it. The only person I wanted to talk to had just walked out of my life.
THIRTY-THREE
SIDNEY
I layflat on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, replaying tonight in my head. Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to take each breath. It was like a band had tightened around my chest, and each exhale constricted a little more. He’d forgotten me. Just like my dad had said he would. Just likeI knewhe would. I sniffed through my nose and wiped at my tears, but it was pointless. They hadn’t stopped in hours.
I thought he was different. I thought we were different, but we weren’t. Hell, I already knew love wasn’t enough. That the lifestyle was too seductive to compete with. My own dad chose it over me. Pain sliced between my ribs and twisted like a knife until I gasped for air.
I thought he was different.
His arms had trembled as he held me in his lap and looked at me, defeated. My heart had screamed at me to take it all back. Lie and say it was fine so we could be together just to have a few more hours with him.
But it wasn’t fine—it was never going to work. We’d both actively avoided talking about the impossibilities of being together. It was one thing to be with a pro hockey player; it was a whole other thing to live in different cities. He would only get a handful of days off during the season. At least if we lived near each other, we could see each other in the morning or at night when they played at home.
If I didn’t end it, I would have watched him get further away from me, feeling my heart break hour by hour as we dragged it out until there was nothing left. It was better to end it this way.
Then why does it hurt so fucking bad?
A soft knock on my door had me sitting up and turning toward it. Mia popped her head in.
“I didn’t expect you to be home tonight.” She took one look at my sodden face and came to sit beside me. “Oh, honey. Are you alright?”
I sucked in a shuddering breath and fought against the wobble in my voice. “No.”
Tears rolled down my face, but there was nothing I could do to stop them. I had worked so hard to be strong. But the truth was I was broken, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever fit back together.
“I ended it.”
Mia stiffened before pulling me into her arms and rubbing my back as I tried to take calming breaths. “Tell me what happened.”
She was one of the few people who got why I couldn’t just wait for him.
“He lost track of time and hung out with his agent. He was two hours late picking me up.”
“Asshole.”
